I have always appreciated a good duo. As a kid, I loved Batman and Robin, the really cheesy TV show of the 1960s. There are too many pictures of me wearing a Batman outfit. Then, of course, I must not forget peanut butter and jelly. I am thinking of starting a new 12 step program for peanut butter addiction. Furthermore, I have enjoyed Abbott and Costello, Huck Finn and Tom Sawyer, and Jake and Elwood Blues. By the way, I should get special bonus points for using the word 'furthermore' in a blog.
I can think of one duo I do not like: guilt and regret. Talk about some joy thieves! These two criminal elements may be merely thoughts but they can destroy you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually. No, I do not think that it is an accident that guilt and regret can destroy the very ways one is supposed to use to love and honor God. Guilt and regret gnaw at the foundation of life and jeopardize the integrity of one's personal structure.
GUILT
Merriam- Webster defines guilt as "feelings of culpability (meriting condemnation or blame especially as wrong or harmful) especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy". So, in other words, guilt requires one to take blame and notice the end of the definition. It says for IMAGINED offenses and from a SENSE OF INADEQUACY. Once one starts stockpiling a sense of inadequacy, they start questioning their abilities, which in turn crushes confidence, motivation and momentum. Guilt derails the train of life.
In my first entry, I mention some important influences in my life. One is Annie Armen and she and I had a discussion about guilt one day. Annie holds nothing back. She unleashes an honesty in a caring way that lives up to her nickname "The Hurricane". What I took from Annie that day I have shared with so many people. Guilt and TRUTH cannot sit at the same table. Guilt comes with condemnation, most of which is self directed. If one feels guilty about something, the situation requires an honest and genuine appraisal. The truth, even though it may hurt, must be acknowledged. Once the truth is defined, it must be accepted. Notice I did not say, "it must be LIKED". The truth may hurt but the truth will free you from guilt.
We have all done something that activates guilt. We fret about it, stew on it and sometimes even shed buckets of tears about it. But, in our most private moments, we KNOW the truth about it and we have to come to grips with our mistake, error or lapse in judgment. Accept the truth and every time your brain tries to invoke the guilt clause, stop and remember that you know the truth and knowing that frees you from guilt. This takes work, but work is better than guilt, right?
REGRET
Regret is defined by Merriam-Webster as "to be very sorry for". You hear this all the time and it is popular in movies. At the climax scene of the movie, someone with breathlessly say, "I have no regrets..", and then something dramatic happens to them, like falling from a cliff. Most of us have said or done something that later that provokes us to feel remorse. With sincere remorse comes a sense of really being sorry for our actions. Time and time again people will say they regret their actions and all of us wonder if they regret the actual act or they regret they got caught in the act. Regardless, regret exists. Regret and self control cannot sit at the same table. If I control my tongue, I limit the regretful things I may say. If I control my urges, then I limit the regretful acts I commit.
I think we all have regrets if we are honest because we have all done some, well, not so smart things in our life. I have no ability to change the past and I have to accept the truth about things, acknowledge my mistakes, ask forgiveness, and have a resolve to make better decisions in order to escape the whole guilt/regret complex. I want to be like Timothy, not only at the end of my life, but strive to be like him at the end of each day.
2Timothy 4:7 "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith" Do not let guilt and regret make you miserable. YOU have control over these vile offenders. Team up with God and make your own Dynamic Duo and defeat Regret and Guilt. Just remember, you and me..we are the side kicks. God is the superhero. Maybe soon we will take on the villain Worry. But, tune in tomorrow. Same Blog title. Same blog Channel. And if you need me before then, activate the Blog Signal.
This is a wonderful topic that needs addressed for many people, myself included. It certainly has made me stop and think deeply this morning. I believe it has helped me, and I thank you. I have experienced the type of guilt I think you are referring to…what I have come to think of as “bad guilt”. This type of guilt creates painful, negative emotions that we mistakenly define as “guilt” which, upon deeper inspection, is more likely connected to a particular understanding that we have failed from self perceived ineptitude rather than from actually doing something we should not have done. This type of guilt is not productive. It is not from God and is not for correction.
ReplyDeleteThat type of guilt is a trick to keep us from moving forward in life and improving our experiences in our daily walk. I believe this type of guilt, indeed, comes from a false sense of condemnation that comes from that which would like to devour us whole. I am of the mind that sometimes we may experience feelings we may equate with guilt and/or regret, not because we made a particularly bad decision at the time, but because our actions could not help us obtain the desired results within a particular set of circumstances, (and I am referring to legitimate experiences, in this, and not those that could be considered simply manipulative). This type of guilt and regret hinders our relationships with God, others, and ourselves.
I agree that once we allow ourselves to realize and accept what we, on some level, know is true, we can be set free from the perceptions and distress we relate to as guilt/regret over such things. And I also agree that “liking” that truth can be difficult but becomes easier as we learn to better discern the factual basis of origin for this type of guilt/regret, over time.
I needed to hear this today. I agree with Hayley, what a great topic!
ReplyDeleteI have struggled, and come a long way, in battling this duo. Lord knows I have a long way to still go. Guilt, regret, inadequacy...for me, they all point at a dirty four-letter F-word...FEAR. Fear of failure, fear of not being good enough, fear of the unknown, fear of change, etc, etc, ad nauseum. As a human being, I feel this all leads back to my own self-absorption. Once I am able to take a step out of myself and evaluate the big picture, I am able to tackle and overcome the guilt, the regret, the inadequacy, the fear...knowing that each little victory makes me that much stronger for when those naughty villains pop up again on next week's episode!
It's nice to have a sidekick! Now where can I pick up my cape!?