Wow, it has been months since I have blogged. Hmm..let's recap. I have moved again, this time back to Panama City Beach. I have been very under-employed.. I have rarely looked at social media as most of it is not social, but political media. I have been humbled, if not humiliated by the events of life. I have laid pavers on the road of good intentions just to find roadblocks and traffic jams. It has given me too much time for self reflection.
I have been a good dad, and I have been a bad dad. The same could be said for my abilities as a husband, friend, nurse, employer and entrepreneur. I have consistently been a procrastinator and at the same time been a worrier. That's like being a diabetic and having a chocolate feast daily. I have been depressed and I admit in a very, very dark place the last couple of months. I mean a really dark place.
It dawned on me that there has been too much emphasis on "me". Look at the previous 2 paragraphs and you will see more than a dozen references to me. I am making a mess of my life. I have made decisions that have jeopardized my family's stability. Anytime there is that much "I " crap, selfishness rules.
My focus is out of whack. My rabbit ears needs some aluminum foil. Panic attacks began waking me in the middle of the night. I must say, being underemployed sucks. One morning, the scripture in Luke came to me. Luke 12:22-34 has been weighing on my mind a lot. Being the great procrastinator, I have been putting this off with the idea I can make things better. I sit here with the flu and I am publically admitting I am not capable of making anything better. I quit. I surrender.
And I will win! I am giving up the daily grind of life to God. He is not going to let me starve. He provided a job for me that starts in 2 days. I am one day closer to freedom. We all want freedom, whether it's financial freedom, freedom from worry, or freedom to bear arms. Humans desire freedom. I cannot produce freedom, and only God can provide true freedom. I have sadly seen so many Facebook arguments about the existence of God. I know He exists. That defines faith. I pray for those who mock believers. I even read a post where a guy called the disciples "sheep herders". That is expected and although I can make no sense of such comments, that person is free to believe that. I know and admit I have done a lot of terrible things but my faith tells me I am not perfect, yet I am forgiven by grace. Granted, I do not like it when others point out my sins, but they are sins regardless.
I don't know about you, but I want to be free from a lot of stuff. Stuff that gets in my way and stuff that may require supernatural intervention. I desire a true transformation. I guess I am back and I will chronicle my quest for transformation and freedom...Freedom Acquired through Supernatural Transformation.
