Thought Control

2:15 AM

Somewhere

Someone's mind (maybe yours)

"What am I going to do? What if that job doesn't come through? How am I going to pay the rent? I should have not quit that other job. That was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. No wonder I am alone. Who would want to be around me? What am I going to do about my weight? My clothes don't fit. I am so weak. Weak and stupid! Now that is a combination..Geez, it is after 2 AM and I am still awake. I bet I oversleep in the morning. What if I miss that interview?....."

Does this happen to you or anyone else you know? This example is Stinking Thinking on Steroids. In the "biz", we call this rumination. I explain it as how a cow chews a cud. Mentally, we chew and chew only to yak it up and chew it all over again. Sure, I have talked about worry on other posts but today, I am searching for empowerment and control.

Thoughts like I described in the beginning of this blog possess power. There is no denying that thoughts like that control a person. The thoughts control a person's rest pattern (up at 2:15 AM), control one's emotions, and eventually will control one's actions and effort. Thoughts can leave a person exhausted, bewildered, frustrated and defeated. All of this arises from thoughts conceived in your own mind. These thoughts are YOUR WORK. And some of you do not think your thoughts count or have power. Humpf, your thoughts can make or break you. Remember that.

Think of it this way: In the example above, the thoughts are holding the person hostage. In other words, those nasty, hateful thoughts are calling the shots in regards to sleep and esteem. As sleep dwindles, so does solid decision making and as decision making falls apart, so does self esteem. Then a poor self esteem builds more worries and soon you are hold on to the horse on the "merry go 'round" of worry and rumination...step right up for another free ride!!!

ENOUGH! This blog has never, and will never, apologize for its Christian base. I do not care if I ever gain more than 12 followers. (I do appreciate you guys that do read me though). Last night, at a local service, a testimony talked about taking thoughts captive. Here are 2 versions of that verse (2 Corinthians 10:5)

2 Corinthians 10:5

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

⁵ and every bit of pride that keeps anyone from knowing God. We capture people’s thoughts and make them obey Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Wow, instead of our thoughts holding us hostage, we are instructed here to take the thoughts captive and make THEM obedient to Christ. I think it was bold of Paul to put it this way. Remember, in his day, every time a nation was overtaken, the survivors became captive slaves. I would think that being held captive was a particularly frightening reality. By informing us that we had the right and obligation to take those nasty thought and put them away, Paul educates Christians then and now not to tolerate crappy thoughts any longer.

What thoughts can we hold captive? Of course we can hold those sinful thoughts captive and get them out of our thinking pattern. You know the ones I am talking about-the ones that you feel ashamed that you have but they keep coming back anyways. Paul also means any thought provided by the enemy that makes a person feel less than how God intended you to be. I have heard it said, "God does not make junk".

Earlier I told you to remember that your thoughts can make or break you. I am sure you all acknowledged times in your life where your thoughts broke you down and defeated you. But, if you agree that thoughts can BREAK you, then you must accept that thoughts can MAKE YOU. THOUGHTS CAN MAKE YOU. It is as simple as ABC--To achieive, you must believe what you conceive.

I am begging to be a big believer in affirmations. You must believe that you are unique and special. Those of you that really know me understand if I was there with you, I would reaffirm that you are special and have wonderful, God given and blessed traits. I still fall prey to the thinking at the beginning of the blog. I talk to myself in these blogs as much as I do to anyone else. So, take those nasty thoughts, lock them up and beat them down if the resist.

3 Ways to Combat Disappointment

I have an idea for a great vacation. I want to go to Vancouver Island and spend a week hiking and camping in the woods looking for Bigfoot. I want to do the night hikes, the calls, the wood knocking and spend time kayaking around the island. To me, this sounds like an amazing adventure. To my surprise, when I mention this plan to my wife Denise, she politely listens and then says in a calm, quiet manner, "No." It does not sound like much fun to her and she is sure the kids would not like it either. And after reflection, I am not sure how I would deal with the 50 pounds of cheese we would need to go with all the "whine" Denise, Madi and Mathias would be serving. My point is, even though it seemed perfect to me (still does BTW), my vision was not shared by my family.

Daily I talk to people who are disappointed. They are disappointed in themselves or they are disappointed in someone else. Many times, this disappointment leads to arguments, tears and sadly, bloodshed. When people are disappointed, they feel let down, betrayed or ignored. I never claimed to be a genius, but being let down, betrayed and ignored do not rank highly on the ways people want to feel. Now, utilizing my familiar Stooges Rule (3 things or bullet points to a topic), I will share 3 ways to combat disappointment.

1. Do NOT place your dreams, ideas or expectations on someone else's behavior. My idea of a vacation is not shared as fun or worthwhile. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I did not like the way they treated me at that party."? The person slighted them or maybe poked fun of them in front of someone they were hoping to impress. The slighted person gets angry and hurt because they thought the other person was their friend or had their back. What happened is that a person became hurt over the actions of another they could not control. You want your kid to be a brain surgeon? All parents want their kids to succeed but remember that some kids want to be the best starving artist they can be. In other words, do not define another person's success based on your standards. If you have underaged children, of course this doe not fully apply: they will do as you say, when you say...(sarcasm intended)

2. Make sure your vision is not clouded. Perception can be seriously impacted by cloudy or foggy conditions. This is where I ask you to stretch your comfort zone. Our cloudy vision often occurs without out knowledge. Years and years of experiences-some good, some bad- lead to conclusions that we rarely challenge. For years, I assumed that the Bible says a person will go to Hell if they commit suicide. That statement is nowhere to be found in the Holy Bible. People feel that network marketing is an illegal pyramid scheme but the truth is a few bad business apples have ruined the perception of the industry. I personally know some very genuine people who are living a dream lifestyle helping others. Open your mind to possibilities as long as those possibilities are legal, ethical and moral. I also recommend that the ideas also fall in line with your core spiritual values.

3. DO NOT accept expectations placed on you that are not in YOUR interest. People want to control other people. It is human nature. Anxiety rises when a person tries to meet the expectations of another that they just cannot meet. Insecurity begins to blossom and then all of a sudden, a person has a bumper crop of insecurity. Again, the boundaries must be defined by ethics, legality and morality. As Billy Shakes said, "To thine own self be true." Strive to meet your OWN expectations. If others do not like this approach, they need to read #1.

Today, you will either place an expectation on yourself or someone else. Chances are, an expectation or two may not be met. It is not the end of the world. It is merely a new staring point. Success has more than one path and surely more than one definition.

Old School Success

I am constantly looking to do something that improves either my life or the lives of those around me. I am an avid reader and I also find my way on to YouTube at times because I can find inspirational stuff there, too. Recently, I have been fascinated by Jack LaLanne. Now, as a kid, my dad was a big fan of his but I could not get past the cheesy presentations and those freakish jumpsuits. Dad always said LaLanne was knowledgeable and deserved some of my attention. Dad knew I loved all that fitness stuff, but I just never got into him.

This is yet another time that Dad was right. Jack LaLanne knew his stuff and I feel he may be THE best fitness role model of all time. Read and watch some of the amazing things he did, like swimming MILES while shackled and towing boats.. Ironically, the only way I could “swim” miles would involve being towed by a boat. He performed an unheard of number of pushups on a television show. Jack was a stud!

Today, I am going to look at his 10 point plan for success and I am only making a little tweak. The narrative for each point is mine but the points themselves are 90% untouched and all the credit goes to Jack.

1.     Faith. This is the tweaked one so we will start with it. LaLanne says to “keep the faith” and he meant to keep the faith that positive things will happen. I see it differently. I say that we should have faith in God.  I get so sick of reading where “God has no place in _______ (fill in the blank). I hear God has no place in work, school, sports, politics, and everywhere else anyone else feels the need to expound. “God bashers” have an open platform and that gets so very old. I work in a prison and I have been told that God and Christianity have no place in what I do in the prison. The way I see it, the depths of Hell on earth mixed with hopelessness and despair is a PERFECT place to interject the message of Jesus Christ.

But I digress. In regards to a success plan, I feel that God and Faith need to be placed right in the center. This allows a person to keep things in perspective and it allows us to worship God the way we were designed. I feel if we center our life on Him (remember, body, soul, heart and mind), we stand a better chance of succeeding on the other 9 points. LaLanne said, “Exercise is king. Nutrition is queen. Put them together and you've got a kingdom.”. I feel that this is so true; I am just adding “Make the Lord sovereign over the kingdom.”

2.     Adequate exercise. I love the word “adequate” and that is one that hits a sore spot with me. It must be taken into context with NUTRITION but exercise by itself deserves discussion. I have often teased that I am the hardest exercising fat guy in the world. Sadly, the truth is that I am STILL fat despite running miles, lifting literally tons of weight in my lifetime and all the other stuff I have done. ADEQUATE exercise, to me, is like the Holy Grail. I hear it exists but I have not found it, and I am pretty sure Indiana Jones does not have it. My personal quest is to determine “adequate exercise” and teach all the people I can about what I learn.

3.     Healthy nutrition. If exercise is the Holy Grail, nutrition is Bigfoot. Everywhere a person looks they see a diet or a plan that claims to be better than all others. If you watch the old videos of LaLanne, he is dead on accurate about Americans and diet today. But remember, he wrote that stuff some 50-60 years ago. Goodness knows I have tried just about everything. Some things work for me because I am able to abide by the plan and some do not work for me. All I know is that healthy living free of disease depends greatly on diet and nutrition.

4.     Positive thinking. Again Ol’ jack was way ahead of his time. He pre-dates many of the books, seminars and programs that teach the importance of positive thinking and the law of attraction. Thinking is a process in which we have quite a bit of control. That being said, thinking requires effort or bad thinking will certainly take root. I completely understand that when you feel like crap and your butt is dragging, it proves challenging to be perky, chipper and optimistic. No matter how hard it is to feel positive, put forth the effort and try. If nothing else, your positive attitude may inspire or touch someone who feels worse than you do. You may help them in ways you could never imagine. Think of it this way: positive thinking leads more often than not to positive results. Attitude carries a lot of weight. It boils down to choice. Choose to be positive and better or negative and bitter.

5.     Cultivate good habits. This is one of the points I find easier to talk about what NOT to do. Seems like bad habits for me start with peanut butter. I admit I use it as a crutch. I eat peanut butter when I am mad. I eat peanut butter when I am sad. I could go on with the Dr Seuss lines but you get the idea. Habits can be good, however. Exercise is a habit that has always come naturally to me. Now, I am focusing on changing the habit of eating bad things when I am in the car. At least I no longer buy cakes from the gas station but I have been known to eat a peanut butter sandwich in the car. Today, it was an apple. Bananas make sense to me and I can create this habit by holding back some of my breakfast to eat on the drive.

6.      Groom yourself well. This topic of LaLanne’s program is one of those you just have to take. He was attempting to tell housewives (mostly) the importance of taking care of themselves. In today’s world, I feel it can apply to appearance. We must “dress” the part because all of us should be interested in developing a personal brand. Believe me, if you wear your shorts around your knees and show off your stylish boxers, you are branding yourself. Likewise, if you own a small business and you are out with your family, you should be aware that someone might have a first impression towards you. For this one, I want to add “handle yourself” to the grooming command. Grooming can mean more than your visual appearance. Grooming means your image and you must put forth an image of success.

7.     Smile. A smile means quite a bit. It shows that a person is happy, confident and approachable. The last time I checked, these were 3 qualities that would enhance an image or a business. A smile takes voluntary action. YOU can control it.

8.     Have an erect posture. Jack goes old school again and when I read this I imagine school aged kids walking around with erasers on their head. Oddly, the image is in black and white and sounds like one of those old school films. Jack was interested in promoting the visualization of fitness, health and vigor. It is true, good posture will play a role in maintaining cervical and lumbar spine health. It also will reduce fatigue, especially in trunk and core muscles.

9.     Help others. I love this one and I am going to expand this beyond the obvious. Yes, do something for someone everyday that has no possibility of repayment. Be kind, complimentary and supportive. Treat others how you wish people would treat you. Along with this basic concept, go one step farther and do something that takes you out of your comfort zone. For those starting a business or growing a business, we get set in our ways and we do not engage others like we should. You never know if you can help someone unless you simply ask. Strike up a conversation and build rapport with people you do not know. Maybe it is by using the phone or maybe you can market to people that you come into contact. LISTEN to them (which is helpful because people rarely listen anymore) and you will find ways you can help them and bless their lives. More often than not, your business exists to help others, and we will not know how we can help if we do not ask. Comfort zones stagnate growth. Sure, they are safe and keep you where you are. And, well, where you are might be a pretty good place but if you summons the courage to go outside of your comfort zone, then magical things will happen.

10.  Find time to relax. Wow, I am so guilty of ignoring this one. I hear LaLanne say once that Americans are so obese for 3 reasons: Poor food choices, lack of exercise and too much stress and aggravation. Stress and worry can affect sleep and then the whole system gets out of whack. Finding time to relax eludes me. It seems like every second of everyday is already taken and I struggle to find to me to devote to my start ups. Relaxation time, when it does happen, does in fact help keep things in perspective and keep me centered.

Now, these 10 steps are fundamental and straightforward. They make a solid foundation for one who is willing to step up to the challenge. If you look at this and then look at LaLanne’s sample menu and eating habits, this challenge could put you out of your comfort zone literally and figuratively..Success will only come to those who actively seek it..

Life According to Ralphie Parker

Who makes late June reference to the Christmas classic A Christmas Story? Ralphie Parker can teach us all about life in 3 simple steps.

LESSON 1: Remember the scene with the bully Scut Farkas? Ralphie tells us that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I am not advocating beating a bully until his nose bleeds but hang with me when we apply that to life. We all have a single life to live. I can speak for me and say I know I do not make the best of it some days. Life is like Farkas and steals our lunch money and makes us scream "Uncle" when our life is twisted into a chicken wing. We all say, "Tomorrow will be different" or "Tomorrow I will start the diet."All that does ia give us permission to undermine our goals by taking advantage of the gas station sale of 2 extra large candy bars for the price of one. Seriously, I am only being a conscientious shopper and I will save one for later (if you really want to believe that).

Ralphie could not take the stress of the bully anymore and he emptied a big ol can of whoop butt on Farkas. When we decide to finally do something, we can change our lives. Like one of my favorite authors Tim Ferriss says, ""Pure hell forces action, but anything less can be endured with enough rationalization." 

So, it is that easy huh? I mean, I am frustrated beyond belief that I have not acheived the level of success I want to in all my endeavors. Sure, I talk about change and I can freely type about change but deep down, I realize that Scut Farkas could have whooped Ralphie in an old fashioned, school yard fashion. Why did Ralphie do it? 


LESSON 2: Ralphie stopped thinking and JUST DID IT. This trips a lot of us up and keeps us stuck in the storm ditch of life. I have heard the saying "paralysis by analysis", meaning that inaction will result if we continually sit and look at all the possibilities. What if I left the security of a JOB and ventured out with an understanding collaborative doc and built a practice based on "me" and my abilities? See, then I will see my self like Ralphie selling pencils but not from soap poisoning but from a waiting room full of crickets chirping. People who really know me know I am "THE idea guy". I have great ideas and know I possess the ability to brainstorm. I have quite the inventory of ideas. All are SAFELY placed on a shelf so I can commiserate about them when I am really old. Think how pitiful (if not pathetic) it would be if we allowed our plans and ideas to dry rot sitting on that shelf. Maybe our dreams would touch the lives of others and not only bless those around us, but also change their lives.


LESSON 3: NEVER forget what you want, even if it could put your eye out. Remember, the dang gun almost did put his eye out! But, you know what? IT DID NOT and he enjoyed the fruits of his dreaming labor. Ralphie never lost sight (pun intended) of what he really wanted.


I guess, for this to happen, a person has to really know what they want. That desire almost becomes a mission statement for your life. I have FINALLY learned that I must pursue my dream like an occupation or career. If you don't, you end up treating your dream like a hobby and a person can surely live without fullfilling their "hobby dreams". Also note that I said "I must pursue" these dreams and I mean that NO ONE else is as committed to your dreams as you are. More often than not, help is NOT on the way. To get the boulder of life moving, one must exert lots of effort. As the dreaded Ms. Trunchbull from Matilda said

 " The distance the shotput goes, depends upon the effort that you PUT INTO IT. PERSPIRATION!"

One life is all we have. We can choose to live (which is far from safe and has many risks) or we can exist (which is safer but less rewarding). One takes courage and the other only requires a pulse. The choice of living is easy to talk about and hard to do while existing is tough to swallow but easy to do.

Wow, this ended up deeper than I intended. Leave it to me to rain on a Christmas classic. What is your favorite scene of the movie and can you relate to Ralphie?

3 Ways to be Happy

You wake up in the morning and you hear the birds singing. “Why are they so happy?” Soon you imagine the neighbor’s cat finally catching the bird in the bird bath. You smile as the song “Circle of Life” plays in your mind. Chipper birds need to die on a regular basis and that satisfies your sleepy and grumpy soul.

Seriously, birds do not have mortgages, thankless jobs or squabbling kids. Heck, birds throw their young out of the nest at an early age. You run all this stuff through your head before you even open your eyes. Slowly, your eyes open and you realize the Rapture did not come and you are, indeed, ready to face another day. And, the new day is probably very similar to yesterday.

However, YOU have decided that today you will not have a bad day. You will not wish death upon the birds of the sky. You will not let dumb people strike a gold rush of sarcasm from your vast cache of stored bitterness. You are going to have a joyful day and you are going to like it.

Before I am accused of huffing inhalants or starting my new career as an alcoholic, I faced the same grumpiness this morning. I woke up at 4:30AM and it was a “running” day. So I stand up and immediately get into the floor because my feet, legs, hips and back refuse to operate functionally until I stretch. On the wood floors  in my bedroom, I fussed to myself that I am too old for all of this and I could really start tomorrow. To prove I have not lost my mind, I fussed QUIETLY because if I woke up my wife grumbling, then the bird in the tree stands a better chance of living until breakfast.

I finally go outside and it feels like I stepped into a slab of roast beef. Hot and humid at 4:45AM. Really? That just prompted more grumbling and then a couple blocks from the house, it hit me.

Make today a joyous day! Whoa, wait a minute, I am sweating and the Tin Man before oil moves better than me. Again, my brain tells me, “Have a joyous day!”. I have learned just to give in and trust God when my mind starts doing this. So, I tell God, “Okay, Dad, you win and will You show me how?”

Asking God for direction when I am unsure of the possibility DOES make sense. So, as I trod up and down the street, I began asking for guidance and came up with 3 simple ways to add joy. Maybe there would have been more but hypoxia from running may have limited the suggestions. I am to running what a grizzly bear is to tennis: We are both really hairy and the actions are unnatural.

Here are 3 ways to add joy in your day.

1  

L    LAUGH. With me, I either laugh at myself or I laugh at what comes out of my mind. I am easily entertained. I also enjoy hearing my wife and kids laugh and I go out of my way to make people smile and laugh at work. Remember, I work in a prison so although I have a captive audience, they are a bit of a hard crowd.

2   

      Do SOMETHING nice for someone you would not normally do. Remember when it was thought Boy Scouts would help little old people across the street? It was a good deed. I am not talking a huge thing, but I am talking about a random act of kindness. I was in line at the store the other day and the person in front of me miscalculated tax. Hey, it happens but they were 25 cents short. Well, they were not buying alcohol, cigarettes or weapons of mass destruction, so I just reached up and gave them a quarter. I mostly appreciated the shock on their face as they realized a complete stranger gave them a quarter.

3 

           Give someone a sincere compliment. Do this WITHOUT seeking secondary gain. Do not compliment the hot co-worker you have been dying to talk to.Jobs have sexual harassment laws and the idea of violating these laws will not add joy to your life. If you do this, it may free up some of your time, but your financial situation will suffer. Tell a co-worker how much you value their input. I can usually find a way to compliment my patients, even though they are prisoners. To me, they ARE not defined by their offense and they need to remember that God made them and, well, God does not make junk.

See, 3 easy ways to add joy to your life. If you don’t like these you can try:

1.     Watching 3 Stooges videos on YouTube

2.     Read an article or a book from an author you find funny

3.     Tell an old and corny joke

4.     Remember and share a funny story. I have TONS of there about my kids.

5.     Find a kid, play with them and soon you will smile.

Have a great day

Mission Possible

Here is a story for you. We are going to get this really old guy who is a farmer by trade. We are going to ask him to hand build an enormous boat. He has never seen a boat but he is up to the task. Additionally, he is going to gather up all the animals and make sure they make it on this boat. Oh, and the best part, this old man has 200 years to complete this boat.

I have another one. There is a nation that is known for war. I mean, that is all the Wiki site says about them: "They are very bad dudes and they make war". They eat, sleep and fight and might give up the first two. In their ranks is the biggest, baddest killer on the planet. He is HUGE and he is battle tested and just the sight of him is scary (not to mention the smell which is a weapon of mass destruction in itself). But, he loses his life in a battle with a teenage boy and a slingshot. It was the kid's first experience in mortal combat.

Both of these stories sound impossible and the things that tall tales are made of. Impossible, and the notion of impossibility, come from our own minds (much like fear). For years, it was "impossible" for man to run a mile under 4 minutes and for a man to fly.

We, as humans, succumb to impossible way too much. Humans fail to conceive the power and magnitude of God. Nothing is impossible (My son Mathias constantly sings a song with these words in the lyrics) when it is God's will. Jesus speaks simply and directly about this in Luke 18:27:

             ²⁷ Jesus replied, “There are some things that people cannot do, but God can do anything.”

So now an example closer to home. Anyone who has known me for a while would have told you I would have been the least likely person they knew to complete a 40 day fast. I was the master of findng loose change for snacks and knew the cost of my favorite value meals to the penny. I was an eating machine. But, God placed on my heart the need for a fast and He took me by the arm and I finished 40 days. That was a miracle and I would have never thought it possible.

Life presents challenges, tragedies, happiness and dreams. All of those things make us human. God can deliver so much more than our minds can conceive. Sometimes, it takes us getting out of our own way and letting God work in our lives. If you think surrendering that kind of control is impossible, ah ha, think again, because nothing is impossible. Don't make me get all cheesy and remind you all that "IMPOSSIBLE" is nothing more than "I (a)M POSSIBLE".

All you can eat lesson

The nurse practitioner part of me comes out in this post.  Educating others about health ranks high on my priority list and information about mental health has a special place in my heart. The National Institute of Mental Health’s web site offers statistics about generalized anxiety disorder. This disorder, known as GAD, affects more than 5 percent of the adult population in a lifetime. The average age of onset of symptoms is over 30. As with most mental health issues, GAD is likely under reported and many suffer in silence because of the stigma associated with mental illness or lack of information regarding the illness and its treatment.

I have worked in the mental health setting a long time. I have been around a little longer than Prozac. I have seen, diagnosed and treated many individuals with GAD. I have seen how GAD can destroy lives and upset families. Treatment often includes medications and/or counseling. What I have observed is that aside from formal treatment, suffers need support, empathy and quite a bit of behavior modification.

MEDICATIONS

I am not going into details about the medications that are used to treat GAD. All I am going to say is that medications come with side effects and risks. Medication choices vary from provider to provider. The truth is that some providers do treat GAD with medications that have a high addictive potential. Yes, I know that ALL the literature says that addictive medications SHOULD not be used, but in the real world, they are being used and abused. All I know is that person cannot have side effects from a medication they have never taken and there is no such thing as a safe medication.

THERAPY

Therapy proves to be effective and some studies may indicate even more effective than medications. However, therapy may or may not be covered under insurance plans and without coverage, many folks just cannot afford therapy. Also, it takes two to tango and a receiver of therapy has to interested and engaged in getting better. Do not dismiss the number of people who do not want to either improve or appear to improve because of secondary gain. It happens.

MY WAY OF EDUCATING

I am a simple guy, in more ways than one. I relate that before I begin to educate and I explain that I use analogies often. I have two favorites to use in teaching about GAD, and, yes, I know they both involve food. You use what you know best, I suppose.

ALL YOU CAN EAT

Let me tell you, when the Hipes Clan shows up at an “All You Can Eat” place, the owners run to try and lock the doors. So, they give you this tiny plate (a trough would be too small) and you pile it up with all the items on the buffet. You start the high wire act- carefully balancing and trying to get to the table without spillage. Undoubtedly, something falls off and hits the floor..forgetaboutit..

In GAD, you have hit the Worry Buffet way too hard. You push stuff on the plate of life at every opportunity and then something you need falls off your plate and out of your mind. Worry causes difficulty in remembering things. You worry so much you feel you are losing your mind, in addition to your car keys, shoes and wallet.

THE WHOLE PIZZA

My second analogy involves the pizza of your choice made by your favorite pizza pie artist. And, it is all yours. You are salivating and may be mistaken for being rabid. Then, you open wide and try to “one bite” the whole pie. What? You cannot do it? Why? Because it is too much to ingest and digest at once and if you try you make choke? Wow, that does not stop a person with GAD from trying to “swallow” all their worries and the others they usually take on just so they can reinforce their worries. Plus, with all those constant worries comes the sense that a person with GAD must do MORE so that no one will know they are worried about everything. Cut the dang pie into bite sized pieces. Go after the small worries first because they are weak and will die quickly.

I know me and I know that I will someday approach GAD in this blog. I do try and contain my inner NP, but sometimes it just explodes out of me. I know I will address what the Bible says about anxiety soon. Faith can play a huge role in overcoming anxiety and stress.

Why me Lord?

I have 2 older sisters. Meg is 10 years older than me and she has a lot of my dad in her. Like Dad, Meg possesses a scary high IQ. I mean if not for an underlying conscious, I likely would have been a son in a family of villainous super geniuses. I can see it now with the Mount Rushmore of Evil Geniuses- Dad, Meg, Wylie Coyote and Dr. Evil. Aside from that, I have always admired Meg’s singing voice. She has rarely shared the gift with the public but her spot on tone and pitch are amazing. I never said much when she was singing because if I did, she would stop. My sister can really sing, even though Bigfoot has been spotted more than she has been heard.

My other Cindy was 15 years older than me. Cindy loved to sing but her vocal range made Johnny Cash seem like Celine Dion. She exercised her 4 ½ note range utilizing the Columbus Method of Singing, that is, find a pitch and land on it. She always reminded us that God said make a joyful noise and I always imagined God smiling when she sang and often thought if a heavenly host sang back up to her. I also imagined they sang quite loudly.

Cindy always took the teasing and kept moving forward. This was quite a feat as she was paralyzed from birth and at the time of her death last July, she may have been the oldest American with spina bifda. One of her favorite songs was Why Me, Lord? I have thought of singing that song but I always defer as it was her song and I am not sure if I could do it justice.

I find myself genuinely asking God, “Why me, Lord?” Why do I feel led to do this blog and potentially open myself to a ministry that I am surely not worthy of doing? I could go through a laundry list of reasons why I am unqualified and unworthy. But, that question is not up to me.

1.     “Why me?” fertilizes the field of doubt. The more I ask that, the more I end up with doubt. Do you notice that the word “I” fills up that last sentence? The truth of the matter is that plans like Zealous Intentions are not possible by my actions.

2.     It is not always about me. Everything I am and everything I have comes from God. So, logic tells me that I should be willing to give back to the One who has provided for me.

3.     “Why NOT me?” must be considered because if God has plans for me, who am I to question His actions and motives? I do have faith that events happen for a purpose.

I fight self doubt ever single day, and sometimes it seems I get punched in the gut by doubt hourly.  But, I pray that God gives me the strength to endure the body shot and push forward. The dry run, prep week is almost over and I am excited to get started.