Thought Control

2:15 AM

Somewhere

Someone's mind (maybe yours)

"What am I going to do? What if that job doesn't come through? How am I going to pay the rent? I should have not quit that other job. That was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. No wonder I am alone. Who would want to be around me? What am I going to do about my weight? My clothes don't fit. I am so weak. Weak and stupid! Now that is a combination..Geez, it is after 2 AM and I am still awake. I bet I oversleep in the morning. What if I miss that interview?....."

Does this happen to you or anyone else you know? This example is Stinking Thinking on Steroids. In the "biz", we call this rumination. I explain it as how a cow chews a cud. Mentally, we chew and chew only to yak it up and chew it all over again. Sure, I have talked about worry on other posts but today, I am searching for empowerment and control.

Thoughts like I described in the beginning of this blog possess power. There is no denying that thoughts like that control a person. The thoughts control a person's rest pattern (up at 2:15 AM), control one's emotions, and eventually will control one's actions and effort. Thoughts can leave a person exhausted, bewildered, frustrated and defeated. All of this arises from thoughts conceived in your own mind. These thoughts are YOUR WORK. And some of you do not think your thoughts count or have power. Humpf, your thoughts can make or break you. Remember that.

Think of it this way: In the example above, the thoughts are holding the person hostage. In other words, those nasty, hateful thoughts are calling the shots in regards to sleep and esteem. As sleep dwindles, so does solid decision making and as decision making falls apart, so does self esteem. Then a poor self esteem builds more worries and soon you are hold on to the horse on the "merry go 'round" of worry and rumination...step right up for another free ride!!!

ENOUGH! This blog has never, and will never, apologize for its Christian base. I do not care if I ever gain more than 12 followers. (I do appreciate you guys that do read me though). Last night, at a local service, a testimony talked about taking thoughts captive. Here are 2 versions of that verse (2 Corinthians 10:5)

2 Corinthians 10:5

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

⁵ and every bit of pride that keeps anyone from knowing God. We capture people’s thoughts and make them obey Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Wow, instead of our thoughts holding us hostage, we are instructed here to take the thoughts captive and make THEM obedient to Christ. I think it was bold of Paul to put it this way. Remember, in his day, every time a nation was overtaken, the survivors became captive slaves. I would think that being held captive was a particularly frightening reality. By informing us that we had the right and obligation to take those nasty thought and put them away, Paul educates Christians then and now not to tolerate crappy thoughts any longer.

What thoughts can we hold captive? Of course we can hold those sinful thoughts captive and get them out of our thinking pattern. You know the ones I am talking about-the ones that you feel ashamed that you have but they keep coming back anyways. Paul also means any thought provided by the enemy that makes a person feel less than how God intended you to be. I have heard it said, "God does not make junk".

Earlier I told you to remember that your thoughts can make or break you. I am sure you all acknowledged times in your life where your thoughts broke you down and defeated you. But, if you agree that thoughts can BREAK you, then you must accept that thoughts can MAKE YOU. THOUGHTS CAN MAKE YOU. It is as simple as ABC--To achieive, you must believe what you conceive.

I am begging to be a big believer in affirmations. You must believe that you are unique and special. Those of you that really know me understand if I was there with you, I would reaffirm that you are special and have wonderful, God given and blessed traits. I still fall prey to the thinking at the beginning of the blog. I talk to myself in these blogs as much as I do to anyone else. So, take those nasty thoughts, lock them up and beat them down if the resist.

Good or bad, happy or sad..

Psalm 42 :11 "Why am I discouraged?
                          Why am I restless?
                                                    I trust you!
                          And I will praise you again
                                                        because you help me,
                                                        and you are my God. 

The last post disclosed my favorite professional catch phrases that I tend to use, and sometimes, over use. As a Christian, I believe we have "catch phrases" that roll off out tongue without any deep thought or consideration. Sadly, one of those may be "praise the Lord".

If any of you have ever seen the movie "Facing the Giants", you will recall when the Cinderella high school team lost a heartbreaking game, the coach told his players to praise God in defeat just as they would in victory. And, as the movie goes, an amazing second chance happened for the team and the loss did not count. The movie had a happy ending, just as one would expect from a Christian based film. I believe with all of my being that because I am a Christian, there will be a happy ending for me in eternity. It is the basic foundation of my Faith.

As humans, we struggle with a lot of plot twists in route to our happy ending. Sure, it is easy and natural to praise God when we are scoring touchdowns and much harder to do when we fumble in life or when we fall short. It is easy to praise Him when the day is going great and much more difficult to do when we wake up at 3 AM and immediately we feel the heartache and depression that reminds us we are in fact alive. Praising God is what we need to be doing when the back pain makes us miserable and legs and hips hurt and ache when we sit, stand or lay down. We should be praising Him when we dread our "dream" job because, well, nightmares are dreams, too. It is easy to praise God when we see our young child smile and laugh but is it as easy when we know we have an estrangement from another child who barely has spoken to us in 5 years? 

When we confidently conquer any challenge in our life, saying "Praise the Lord" flows off our tongue without effort. When we are drowning in self doubt, disappointment and fear, do those words ring true in our heart and roll off our tongues? Is that not when we should be praising  Him and praying more? Instead, as the carnage of life piles up, we become more distant and distracted from leaning on Him. Our failures and mistakes cloud our vision.

Heartache, physical pain, depression and disappointments are all part of the package of being human and as I said before, prove we are alive. The fact that we are alive gives us hope, even if it is a speck in an ocean of doubt, fear, worry, stress, and a million other experiences we would rather not face individually, not to mention in unison. Hope should immediately provoke praise that flows freely and more than counters the negative junk we are experiencing.

So (there is my word again), what do we do when everything that happens only complicates the bleak situation and produces more pain, depression, frustration, and uncertainty? In keeping it real, what do we do when the job stinks, finances are scary, and the bitter taste of defeat and failure makes you sick? For me, I am going to praise God, put on my running shoes, and force myself to remember that God loves me when things are good or bad, happy or sad, and that the glint of hope I can see through the fog of life proves that He is not done with me yet.

Just Breathe

"Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table"

These lyrics come from Anna Nalick's song Just Breathe (2AM). It has been a very long time since I blogged. The last entry occurred just prior to an event that I looked forward to more than just about anything and that event ended up full of heartache and disappointment. That experience led to a deep fog covering me and my entire being. Sadness, professional disenchantment, bills, financial worries, IEP meetings, aches, pains, illness, weight gain, and a million other things began weighing me down. Yesterday, I had no idea that I would write a blog today because I had the MOAM--Mother of All Migraines. In fact my head is still sore.

I awakened to a dream that I had stopped by a gas station and bought three, big juicy taquitos. Oh, momma did they look good. When I awakened, I decided I had a choice. I could lie in bed and fight sleep wishing I could get another 5 minutes, or I could get up and restart my running. I have just gotten gotten over an ugly URI so stopping running was not one of conscious decisions of withdrawal that I have been prone to the last couple of months. I laced up the old running shoes (which by the way are as broken down as I am but I don't see a new pair of shoes in my budget anytime soon) and started a new 10K program.

That is when I heard Ms. Nalick's song. Granted, I do not get out much and I do not listen to the radio often so even though it is a critically acclaimed song, it was new to me.

We really cannot jump the tracks. We head down the track of life and the only thing we have control over is the speed of our journey. The hourglass is glued to the table but each grain of sand is precious and has enormous potential. I have sat by and watched too many grains just fall into the heap of used moments. Sure, I would like to slow down the trickle of sand. 

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

 Later in the song, Ms. Nalick does it gain by adding perspective to those like me who "what if" themselves to death. Even though the song is not a 'chipper' song, I took comfort in the fact that I am not be alone. Funny thing, I advise others all day long on how to gain perspective in their world yet the fog clouds my own vision.

My mental state reminds me of Fargo in the spring when the ground is still covered with snow, the road is wet, but not frozen and the sky is gray from fog. It can be best described as gloomy with a chance of the sun sneaking through the fog. The air was always so incredibly fresh and pleasant. Looking back, I loved those days in Fargo and some of my best running occurred on days like that.

I really do firmly believe that God has things in store for me. I admit, the fog of uncertainty, self doubt and worry still cover my landscape. At least for this moment, I am focused on my cable car headed down the track and I vow to enjoy the view today.

Samson and Mathias

Parents have enough pressure when it comes to raising kids. In laws, friends and family all hold expectations on what our kids should be. If a parent is intelligent, then the child must be a great student. If a parent is athletic, then the child is raised with the expectations of being great athlete.

In the book of Judges, Israel has been floundering as a nation because of disobedience. They (like us) never seemed to learn from their mistakes.

Now enter a couple who had never had any children. One day, an angel of the Lord appeared and dropped a bombshell. Not only were they going to have a child, but he would be responsible for starting the process of setting Israel free.
  
JUDGES 13
Manoah from the tribe of Dan lived in the town of Zorah. His wife was not able to have children, ^3-5 but one day an angel from the Lord appeared to her and said:

You have never been able to have any children, but very soon you will be pregnant and have a son. He will belong to God^[a] from the day he is born, so his hair must never be cut. And even before he is born, you must not drink any wine or beer or eat any food forbidden by God’s laws.
Your son will begin to set Israel free from the Philistines.

Wow, talk about parental pressure. Imagine the proud parents with little toddler Samson playing on the playground. They KNEW what was in store for their little boy. Manoah, I am sure, had some sleepless nights hoping he made the right choices.

Then the rest of the story of Samson in nutshell: He became the absolute baddest man on the planet, took his responsibility lightly, fell to temptation, suffered for his mistakes and then redeemed himself in one big grand finale. Seriously, read the story as my shortened version does not do it justice.

Samson had strength beyond comprehension and that came directly from God. God blessed this mighty man and he no doubt inspired so many around him. Samson gave his people hope.

The picture here is of my son Mathias. I took this on Sunday morning as he preferred to stay in the sanctuary instead of going to his class. He is standing in the aisle as he is too short to see the pastor from his seat. Yes, he stood for the whole sermon. An angel did not come to me to tell me that God had plans for Mathias. Mathias has Prader Willi Syndrome which is the polar opposite of Samson. Mathias has very poor muscle tone and very poor strength. But Mathias loves God like no one I have ever seen and I can not explain it. He plays church, he already understands and can explain salvation, he praises God and Jesus freely and often, and I have seen him witness to grown men in line at Taco Bell. 


I would like to sit and share a cup of coffee with Manoah. I would talk dad to dad and ask him one simple question: WHAT DO I DO WITH THIS KID?


God has entrusted this boy to ME. The kid looks up to ME. But, I know ME and I know my struggles, my shortcomings and my quirky ways that sometimes may not be too "godly". I fight a good fight daily and I know I come up way short daily.


So, I can tell you that daily I tell Mathias that we are to love others as we do ourselves and that we need to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength. I think God is happy with me when I share that with my boy.

How Prison Can Be Encouraging

For those who do not know, I work in a prison and provide mental health care to inmates. Clinically, I have always been known as being very positive and quite nurturing. I pride myself on being a provider that genuinely cares.

Needless to say, my "style" is not completely accepted in the setting. Compassion may be confused with weakness, but not by the inmates. The corrections staff have began to warm up to my honest, consistent style. The thing is, I do not care if they endorse my style, I am not changing.

If you have read this blog, you know I think things happen for a reason. I see my job and profession as a gift from God so I attempt to use it to my best ability every day. Even if I do work in a prison.

Today, I saw a young man who has made angry decision after angry decision. He has been in and out of trouble for over half his life. He talked about wanting to change but knowing he would not be able to change the patterns of his life. Talking to him, I realized he was quite a bit brighter than the average inmate. I do not mean this disrespectfully, but sometimes it is obvious how some of the inmates were caught.

I talked to him about his response when angry. I asked him if he thought Dr.Martin Luther King ever got angry and that caused anger to swell in him. He said he would love to be like Dr. King but Dr. King "did not grow up like me."After discussion, he was beginning to see that he, indeed, was limiting his own future.

The Bible is full of stories in which self imposed limitations limited possibilities. Think about the Israelites initial reaction when they saw the inhabitants of the Promised Land. Think about the disciples initial reaction when Jesus began feeding the huge crowd with fish and bread. Remember what most of the religious leaders thought when Jesus said he would destroy their precious temple.

God knows no limits. He tells us ALL things are possible and my 5 year old son sings this all day long. I know that it is difficult some days to see that. I struggle myself and then begin to think I will not reach the levels of "success" I want to reach. Gee, I would like this blog to reach hundreds of people a day. But, I keep on doing what I can, and to quote a line I hear in prison every day, "it is what it is", so YOU decide what IT will be.

4 Myths of Suicide

Helplessness. Hopelessness. Poverty. Job loss.

Relationship problems. Economic downturns. Catastrophic illness and accidents.

All these lurk around every corner and each and everyone one of these and countless more make up the stress in our lives. Each of us deal with stress differently and each of us have a limit to what we can endure. As we each learn to deal with stress in our lives, we develop coping skills, some of which are better and healthier than others. Stress comes from every direction these days.

I often wonder what finally occurred that created the over abundance of stress in which the suicidal person saw death as the only solution. What, that day, finally swayed them in favor of permanently changing not only their life, but the lives of so many others? Survivors often try and put the clues together to solve this life and death mystery. Suicide is like a thief in the night. It comes in an robs you of something you can never reclaim.

The stealthy quality of suicide makes it difficult to detect and hard to understand. Because of this, many misconceptions and myths have taken shape over time. This is not an exhaustive list (this is a blog, for Pete’s sake) but awareness has to start somewhere.

4 MYTHS OF SUICIDE

1.     People who talk about it, won’t do. They just want attention

2.     Suicide cannot be really prevented

3.     Talking about suicide is bad because it gives a person ideas.

4.     People who commit suicide are crazy

People who talk about it, won’t do it.

This assumption ends up in countless and truly senseless suicides. Sometimes, when people are talking about it, they are trying to clue people in that they are feeling THAT defeated. Remember, I said in a previous post that a battle can end in a win, loss, draw or surrender. They are overcome and they surrender to the illogical thought of suicide. Plus, some feel by talking about it, the person is attempting to make it easier accomplish. If they say that it is okay enough times, they will convince themselves that it is acceptable.

Suicide cannot be really prevented

I have worked with so many professionals who will claim that if a person really intends on committing suicide, they will do it eventually. They see a person who attempts time and time again and finally, they succeed. Sadly, the load of stressors likely worsened over time and then their ability to cope diminished even more. Could an intervention aimed at helping a person discover solutions or at least offered a new perspective changed the eventual path of a suicidal person? Possibly and it would certainly be worth a chance.

 

Talking about Suicide only puts ideas in their heads.

This one always puzzled me. If it were that easy, all of you, send me all your money. I need to cut the blog short so I can go get the checks out of my mail box. The power of suggestion does not influence a persons’ decision to suicide. How are you going to know if a person is contemplating suicide if you do not ask? Yes, it is the hardest question you might ever ask. I sometimes even preface the question that way. It is honest and straightforward. That is all one can ask of a question. Oh, by the way, send me your money. So the power of suggestion myth in the context of suicide just does not hold water.

People Who Commit Suicide are Crazy

If this myth were true, it would be easier to intervene in those contemplating suicide. But, before we could do that, we would have to agree on a definition of “crazy”. Despite living in the year 2012, there remains a huge stigma for those suffering from mental illness. This stigma keeps people from seeking help, regardless of the severity of their mental illness. Suicide affects people of all ages, races, economic status and degrees of mental wellness.

Suicide must not be discounted and it can never be dismissed. We must remember that myths and assumptions in this case can adversely affect generations.

The Pain of Suicide

The old classic television show MASH opened up with an instrumental song. Some may not know the song is titled “Suicide is Painless”.  Few things could be further from the truth. Later in the song, it says, “it (suicide) brings on many changes” and that understates the effect of suicide. I have interviewed countless individuals contemplating suicide. Some were early in the process of thinking about it and others not only had a plan for suicide, but back up PLANS as well. Some have had the thought quickly pass through their mind and others have thought of nothing else for a very long time.

THE PERSON

People who contemplate and commit suicide rarely do so when everything is absolutely perfect. Usually, they are enduring pain of some type, and it can be physical, emotional, spiritual or psychological. This agony strips hope, faith and belief that things can get better. Many feel that have exhausted all possible solutions and remedies and that the only way they can escape from the agony of life is through death. To them, death stops the pain and a stoppage of pain means healing. Before you think I have lost my mind, put on your empathy shoes and look at it from another perspective. Individuals with painful terminal cancer sometimes suffer from pain more than the medications can control. They know they will lose the battle with cancer. Every battle has outcomes. One either wins, loses, draws or surrenders. To them, they are “healed” from the pain after death. The suffering (for them) has ended.

To say, for the person, that suicide is painless makes little sense. I cannot image the agony they go through as they weigh the pros and cons of taking their life. The person considering suicide sometimes has no way of knowing details about friends or family members. How many people have committed suicide in the morning without knowing their spouse found out they were expecting their first child that afternoon?

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

No matter how much a person has rationalized that suicide is acceptable, rarely family and friends will completely embrace that decision. Spouses are forced to endure as a single parent. Mothers and fathers must deal with the reality that the child they saw come into this world left abruptly. No matter how old a child becomes, a parent still will look at that child sometimes and see them dressed as a princess or a firefighter as they did when they were kids playing make believe. So, as a parent, no, I could not accept the decision of one of my children committing suicide. It would be beyond devastating. The abrupt nature of suicide stinks, especially if you had a relationship with them. 

Believe me, you will continually wonder what you could have done and why didn’t they just talk to me. Pain exists for family and friends and that pain lingers for a long time. I think that is one reason why suicide tends to run in families. A patterns and cycle of pain without a break in the cycle leads to suicide after suicide.

SITUATION

Can a situation have pain? I believe I can make an argument personifying a situation. Imagine a family reunion after a suicide. Do you think that there will be an overhanging cloud of pain darkening the festivities? Do you think some family will skip the reunion in order to avoid the pain? Does suicide affect a nurse practitioner who has spent hours getting to know and treating someone to find out they committed suicide after the NP moved to another state? Yes, the situation creates a self discussion debating whether it is even worth continuing in the profession. And yes, news like that does hurt deeply.

I read somewhere years ago while preparing for a speaking engagement that suicide end up impacting 10 people in a manner that seriously impacts the rest of their lives. After I read that, I began making mental notes of what I saw in reality, and I believe that figure rings true. Sadly, the initial suicide may start a cycle of suicide and the number of those involved grows exponentially.

Suicide Stinks

Anyone who knows me understands that I have loved sports my entire life. I have always found sports as a great way to escape from reality. Sadly, the reality of it is that my teams rarely win championships, but I still enjoy them. Sports, unfortunately, jumped the tracks from entertainment to my “professional” and spiritual side yesterday with the news of Junior Seau’s suicide. I did not know Mr. Seau, but I have known suicide way too often.

In one fashion or another, I have had a career dedicated to mental health and have been involved with mental health care since 1986. Let’s see, I have had acquaintances commit suicide. I have had co workers commit suicide. I have had patients commit suicide more times than I can recall. I have cut a person down who had decided to hang themselves. I have been involved and have led “psychological autopsies”, which is a major discussion and presentation after suicides. I have been an expert presenter on the topic of suicide.

I am dedicating the next few blog entries to the discussion of suicide. I plan on covering the subject with frankness and sincerity as I am convinced nothing rocks a person’s world like a suicide. One thing I want to emphasize is that I am not condemning anyone who has the thought cross his or her mind. Honestly, through my years of experience, I think at sometime in a moment of despair, the thought crosses the mind of the majority of people. This may be controversial and many of you will read this and say, “not me”, but many of you will also say to yourself, “How did he know?” My mind swirls with what direction I want to take this series of blogs. I want to thoroughly attack the subject and leave no stones unturned.

Misinformation and misconceptions about suicide exist everywhere. I believe that so many exist because suicide provokes emotion like nothing else. This comes from its absolute and definitive nature. Seau will never physically hug another of the hundreds, if not thousands of children he has helped over the years. Seau’s friends and family are now forced to deal with raw emotions and feelings that will always be one sided arguments and discussions. So many questions will go unanswered for the rest of their lives and closure will be elusive, if ever obtained. I am not going to supply hard core statistics about suicide. That would turn a blog into a research paper.

I will make this a 5 part series on suicide. Starting with the next post, I will discuss the following topics:

1

- .     Suicide is painless

2.     Suicide lurks in the shadows

3.     Suicide and the Bible

4.     Suicide and the family

5.     Suicide and hope

I pray that none of you experience suicide in any capacity. I can honestly say that suicide does scar a person and those emotional scars often run deep.