Square pegs in round holes

Have you ever tried to force something to work or force something to fit? Around here, my wife says that is just the "Hipes" way just because we may lean our way into rooms, elevators, etc. I prefer the word "lean" over "push" but I am splitting hairs here. The technique works for luggage in a trunk, grocery bags being carried at one time, and other things where the space needed is snug for the object being placed.

Life, especially work, is like this, too. A job may sound great on paper, but once you start working, you see that supervisors may not share your same vision, philosophy, or direction. It happens in social settings, such as clubs and churches, too.

Yeah, I know the world is not Polly Ann-ish and that no situation is perfectly ideal. We juggle the reality of a situation with the "perfect" picture and have to come to a compromise somewhere in between. The real key is how a person deals with that incongruency. If a person is ok with the compromise and rationalizes that the reality of the situation is acceptable, then a person can "keep on keeping on" in that setting. But, if anyone is like me, the incongruency may keep a person up at night and just never "feels right", then a change must be made. I know I often quote Tim Ferriss but once again, it fits:

"Pure hell forces action, but anything less can be endured with enough rationalization."

We all have a lot of square pegs and round holes. I find it funny that people are quick to offer solutions to another person's peg and hole situation. I mean, they have a surplus of pegs but are ready to offer solutions to someone else? Mind your own pegs! And here is how:

1. Realize only YOU have control over YOU. No one MAKES you feel anything; you chose to feel. YOU have situations that you will endure as long as you convince yourself the positive outweighs the negative. Sadly, rationalization proves stronger than courage most of the time. Just sayin'.

2. A situation likely will not change PASSIVELY. Do you really think that the incongruency will correct itself? Think of it logically, if not mathematically--will 50 ever be 30 again? Nada. Nyet. No way. 

3. Action takes courage and usually does better if there is a plan. Do not like your job? Quitting makes sense but having a job lined up makes even more sense. Been there, done that. 

4. YOU live with your decisions. YOU make a choice, and then a consequence follows. Sure, your choice may affect others...but remember number 1 applies to everyone and not just you. 

5. Life on earth is really short. Do you have a dream? Do you see yourself doing something else? Being something else?

Be on the lookout for square holes and round pegs. Do not settle.

You have done it now!

I write a blog to rid my mind of the many thoughts that bounce around in there. I write my blog to help anyone that I can. I am, by nature, a nurturer. I have belonged to the sisterhood of nursing since 1986. Honestly, I think I would love to stop being a nurturer but unsure if I can do that.

In the last 10 years, I have met and talked to some people who have made me think deeply. Some of those people have been those I was supposed to help and bless but they helped and blessed me. Some have been co-workers who have expand my ability to see a situation. And a couple have been higher profile individuals who remain pretty real despite their success. Two, in particular, encourage others to seek their passion and the money will follow. In a sense, if you do what you really love, then the rest will take care of itself. They proclaim that if you are making a living doing something you love and would ordinarily do because it is fun, then work will not seem like work. Paul Finck and Annie Armen are motivators with different styles--like Sanchez and Tebow. I know, the Jets are not having a great year but both qbs have been successful and both are different.

Now I have gone and done it. Not by comparing Paul to Sanchez and Annie to Tebow, but by sitting here and typing this, I am finally jumping off into the deep end of the pool. My LIFE, PROFESSION and REPUTATION are at stake.

I posted this on Facebook a second ago:

Some of you know, I dabble in a blog. Yesterday, I shared some views about accountability strategies for changes we want in our life. Little did I know that Mathias would have an epically horrible day at school yesterday. Both Denise and I know he will struggle throughout his life with behavior and with his weight. Funny how one can locate one's inner hypocrite during quiet reflection. I am going out on a branch of the limb of the tree that I am not sure can support me. In a sense, I am yelling from the mountaintop that NOW is the time I begin a serious battle against my personal obesity because I am a walking and talking hypocrite to a little boy who will be nagged, monitored and chastised for his weight. January 18 will be a Friday and is 100 days away. I will weigh 100 pounds less than I do 
 now.

Sure the goal sounds like a bit much. I will separate the chaff from the wheat and see who are my real supporters and those who, well, aren't. How does my challenge apply to my passion? If you ever want bored for hours, let me sit and talk to you about fitness, health, and exercise. I am the mega-nerd when it comes to that stuff. Geez, I got a 100% on my nutrition final in college, a sad but true statement. During these 100 days, I am viewing myself as my own client and I am aiming to seek completing of the American Council of Exercise (ACE) certification as a Health Coach. THAT is my professional passion. That is where I feel I have been given gifts.

So, now, I sit back and see who stands with me and who does not.

Accountability WIth a Twist

No one could ever accuse me of seeing the world in a cookie cutter way. If the first step is acknowledgement, then I accept that I am not right, or as they say back home, "I ain't right.". Even though I am a bubble and a half off plumb, I need goals and I certainly need accountability.

I possess an advanced degree in procrastination. It took me a while to get that degree as I kept putting off the work. In a sense, that caused me to receive the degree with honors. Obviously, it comes into play in meeting any business dream I might have. I could go on and bore you with hours of details showing how I have put off doing things. Why do I put things off like I do? I am not totally sure. Maybe part of me enjoys misery, stress and worry. I am certain that fear puts me down all the time. Yesterday, the Biblical parable of the servants and talents hit me like a ton of bricks. FEAR kept the one servant from investing or taking care of the 'talent' (asset) that the master gave to him. FEAR led him to be called "lazy" and, as the CEV states, "good for nothing". If any of you are like me and fight esteem issues, the last thing I need is my prowess of procrastination prompting someone to call me 'lazy'.

I am a great dreamer and goal setter. I find following through difficult because of fear and some other things. I have brainstormed a few unique ways to encourage accountability.

1. Tell others your goal. I do not mean just write it down in a journal (a great idea, by the way). I mean yell it from the mountaintops, or better yet, post it on the modern day mountain tops-Facebook and/or Twitter. Lay it out there. See who the supporters are in your life and weed out the haters. If your dream or goal means that much to you and you add in your post a simple "why" statement, then your true friends and supporters will be unable to at least click "like". Silence speaks volumes and those who do not respond are merely nosey and not what you need.

2. Use your common SENSE(S) This is where it gets unique to the inner workings of my mind. Senses guide our life and much of this guidance is done without any conscious thought. You smell and see the "HOT NOW" sign on the Krispy Kreme store and your mouth and stomach get the message immediately. Why not use that sense recognition for good?

Let's look at a "body" goal. People have used motivational pictures of how they want to look for years and visualization has long been encouraged. The sense of sight helps out here in the quest for the beach worthy body. How about smell? One could easily keep a bottle of coconut scented tanning oil nearby so a quick snort could keep them on track. Sense of sound is included with simple affirmations repeated that one finds encouraging. The sense of taste proves a little trickier. Sure, a mouth full of sand would prompt visions of the beach, but instead, savoring and enjoying the tastes of healthy food. If you do not find healthy food attractive, I know a way to change that..And finally, the sense of touch. I see this one with huge potential. How about a simple band around your wrist? You feel it and that could hold you accountable when after that dang brownie jumped right into your hand. I have heard of people shaving their heads as a reminder that they need to be focused.

There you have it. A couple simple ways to help with accountability. There are other, more traditional ways, like finding an accountability partner and the aforementioned journaling. In a couple of days, I am putting this to the test in a very public way.

Ready, set ACTION

Roll up your sleeves, tighten your belt and take a big snort of ammonia, it is time to get things started. You and I want change, but not change for change sake. We want a defined change and we want that change to redefine our life. Since we want the change, then all we have to do is say "poof" and it will happen. OK, that was far fetched a bit so all we have to do is pray about it and God will make it happen. Again, God is not a Genie in a bottle nor is He Santa Claus. Well, dang, the easy, no sweat ways won't work so how do we take action.

By now, you know I like things that run in threes--Stooges, strikes, Musketeers, etc. As for taking action, yep, I have got a 3 step plan.

DREAM
All good action plans begin with a dream. I find that people (including me) tend to dream way to small. The best part of a dream is that it can be huge. There should be no limits to a dream. Take for instance a bench press. Let's say that you have 100 workouts in a year and you start at a reasonable weight. In most gyms or the weights sold in stores, the smallest weights available are 2.5 pounds. The weight you select is easy enough to do 10 times without much effort. Every other workout, you put the weight equivalent to a sack of sugar on the bar. In other words, you will add 5 pounds every other workout (or 50 workouts) in a year. In theory, that would yield a 250 pound increase. Now some of you are screaming, "John that is not possible." I ask you to tell me why it is impossible. What if you only reached half that amount a year (125 pound increase) and you did this for 2 years (the same impossible weight in 2 years). Again, even if you only met that by 50% you will still have a 190 pound increase in 2 years. I have heard people say "shoot for the stars and you may still hit the moon". Do not suppress your dreams. And write them down. We will learn how to use that against you later.

GOALS
From dreams come goals. I see goals as the stepping stones to reach your dreams. Setting goals deserves a full blog to do it justice. Goals must be small, measurable and obtainable and once they are reached, can serve as a springboard for the next goal. The old adage "Inch by inch is a cinch and yard by yard is hard" fits here. Maybe the goal is to read your Bible 10 minutes a day. This may seem like an insurmountable goal but build on what you can do. For instance, maybe it is read a chapter a day and increase a chapter every week. It will be no time that you are reading those 10 minutes or more. I had a patient once that said she could not get out of bed in the morning. She started by setting the alarm and forcing herself to walk out of the bedroom. Sure, for a week or so she immediately crashed on the couch but she applied the same approach and eventually found herself walking to the mailbox. Her "dream" is to walk with her husband in the mornings and she is a lot closer than she was in the beginning.

RESOLVE
Good ol' Stonewall Jackson comes in again to save the day. As mentioned in previous entries, I do like me some Stonewall. "Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve". This sort of explains New Years Resolutions. We START with the dream and the goal, and then resolve to make the change. For me, they usually last until about 9pm New Year's Day. Resolve takes, well, resolve. Resolving to change takes hard work and dare I say, accountability. Accountability requires creativity and the next blog will show some creative ways that I plan on injecting accountability into my life.

What are your dreams? Can you manufacture goals to reach them? Then what are you willing to do to reach your dreams (that is where we get stuck)

I want to wrestle Shute

You hard core movie buffs from the 1980s may recognize the quote from Vision Quest. I can relate to Louden Swain. Well, except for the obvious differences: he was young, lean and, as the movie plot summary says, Louden "comes of age" in the film. I have certainly already come of age and I am a long way from lean.  In the opening scene, Louden is jumping rope and his hair bounces with each jump. When I recreate the scene, everything but my hair(s) bounces with each jump.

Louden wanted to make a dramatic impact and ended up facing Shute in an epic wrestling match. Shute represented a challenge that would take a superhuman effort to overcome. Hollywood assured that Louden defeated Shute.

In life, I am ready to do something worthy of a real legacy. It is time to face the Shute. I can relate the nuts and bolts of this blog to making a template to beat the Shute.

If you have seen the movie, everyone thought that Louden was nuts. If a person embarks on a life changing adventure, their sanity should be questioned. Chris Columbus--remember he was nuts to sail off into the sunset. Charles Lindbergh was crazy too. Throw Henry Ford and Bill Gates into the deep end of the Looney Pool.

I am ready to take the body, soul, heart and mind mantra to a new level of crazy. And, I since I have little sense, I am going to chronicle the whole journey. It will apply to everything--job, exercise, diet, family...every thing that gets in the way of my maximal experience with my family, my God, my job and my life will be viewed as Shute.

And, if you have never seen the movie, the full version can be found on YouTube. If you have seen the movie, do you remember Louden's best friend's name? And you get bonus points for knowing Shute's first name.

3 Ways to be Happy

You wake up in the morning and you hear the birds singing. “Why are they so happy?” Soon you imagine the neighbor’s cat finally catching the bird in the bird bath. You smile as the song “Circle of Life” plays in your mind. Chipper birds need to die on a regular basis and that satisfies your sleepy and grumpy soul.

Seriously, birds do not have mortgages, thankless jobs or squabbling kids. Heck, birds throw their young out of the nest at an early age. You run all this stuff through your head before you even open your eyes. Slowly, your eyes open and you realize the Rapture did not come and you are, indeed, ready to face another day. And, the new day is probably very similar to yesterday.

However, YOU have decided that today you will not have a bad day. You will not wish death upon the birds of the sky. You will not let dumb people strike a gold rush of sarcasm from your vast cache of stored bitterness. You are going to have a joyful day and you are going to like it.

Before I am accused of huffing inhalants or starting my new career as an alcoholic, I faced the same grumpiness this morning. I woke up at 4:30AM and it was a “running” day. So I stand up and immediately get into the floor because my feet, legs, hips and back refuse to operate functionally until I stretch. On the wood floors  in my bedroom, I fussed to myself that I am too old for all of this and I could really start tomorrow. To prove I have not lost my mind, I fussed QUIETLY because if I woke up my wife grumbling, then the bird in the tree stands a better chance of living until breakfast.

I finally go outside and it feels like I stepped into a slab of roast beef. Hot and humid at 4:45AM. Really? That just prompted more grumbling and then a couple blocks from the house, it hit me.

Make today a joyous day! Whoa, wait a minute, I am sweating and the Tin Man before oil moves better than me. Again, my brain tells me, “Have a joyous day!”. I have learned just to give in and trust God when my mind starts doing this. So, I tell God, “Okay, Dad, you win and will You show me how?”

Asking God for direction when I am unsure of the possibility DOES make sense. So, as I trod up and down the street, I began asking for guidance and came up with 3 simple ways to add joy. Maybe there would have been more but hypoxia from running may have limited the suggestions. I am to running what a grizzly bear is to tennis: We are both really hairy and the actions are unnatural.

Here are 3 ways to add joy in your day.

1  

L    LAUGH. With me, I either laugh at myself or I laugh at what comes out of my mind. I am easily entertained. I also enjoy hearing my wife and kids laugh and I go out of my way to make people smile and laugh at work. Remember, I work in a prison so although I have a captive audience, they are a bit of a hard crowd.

2   

      Do SOMETHING nice for someone you would not normally do. Remember when it was thought Boy Scouts would help little old people across the street? It was a good deed. I am not talking a huge thing, but I am talking about a random act of kindness. I was in line at the store the other day and the person in front of me miscalculated tax. Hey, it happens but they were 25 cents short. Well, they were not buying alcohol, cigarettes or weapons of mass destruction, so I just reached up and gave them a quarter. I mostly appreciated the shock on their face as they realized a complete stranger gave them a quarter.

3 

           Give someone a sincere compliment. Do this WITHOUT seeking secondary gain. Do not compliment the hot co-worker you have been dying to talk to.Jobs have sexual harassment laws and the idea of violating these laws will not add joy to your life. If you do this, it may free up some of your time, but your financial situation will suffer. Tell a co-worker how much you value their input. I can usually find a way to compliment my patients, even though they are prisoners. To me, they ARE not defined by their offense and they need to remember that God made them and, well, God does not make junk.

See, 3 easy ways to add joy to your life. If you don’t like these you can try:

1.     Watching 3 Stooges videos on YouTube

2.     Read an article or a book from an author you find funny

3.     Tell an old and corny joke

4.     Remember and share a funny story. I have TONS of there about my kids.

5.     Find a kid, play with them and soon you will smile.

Have a great day

How Prison Can Be Encouraging

For those who do not know, I work in a prison and provide mental health care to inmates. Clinically, I have always been known as being very positive and quite nurturing. I pride myself on being a provider that genuinely cares.

Needless to say, my "style" is not completely accepted in the setting. Compassion may be confused with weakness, but not by the inmates. The corrections staff have began to warm up to my honest, consistent style. The thing is, I do not care if they endorse my style, I am not changing.

If you have read this blog, you know I think things happen for a reason. I see my job and profession as a gift from God so I attempt to use it to my best ability every day. Even if I do work in a prison.

Today, I saw a young man who has made angry decision after angry decision. He has been in and out of trouble for over half his life. He talked about wanting to change but knowing he would not be able to change the patterns of his life. Talking to him, I realized he was quite a bit brighter than the average inmate. I do not mean this disrespectfully, but sometimes it is obvious how some of the inmates were caught.

I talked to him about his response when angry. I asked him if he thought Dr.Martin Luther King ever got angry and that caused anger to swell in him. He said he would love to be like Dr. King but Dr. King "did not grow up like me."After discussion, he was beginning to see that he, indeed, was limiting his own future.

The Bible is full of stories in which self imposed limitations limited possibilities. Think about the Israelites initial reaction when they saw the inhabitants of the Promised Land. Think about the disciples initial reaction when Jesus began feeding the huge crowd with fish and bread. Remember what most of the religious leaders thought when Jesus said he would destroy their precious temple.

God knows no limits. He tells us ALL things are possible and my 5 year old son sings this all day long. I know that it is difficult some days to see that. I struggle myself and then begin to think I will not reach the levels of "success" I want to reach. Gee, I would like this blog to reach hundreds of people a day. But, I keep on doing what I can, and to quote a line I hear in prison every day, "it is what it is", so YOU decide what IT will be.

Truth, Grace and a Parental "Ah Ha" Moment

 We are trying to get 10 year old Madi to participate in the "have to" things around the house. Yes, she is being more accountable for the "C" word: chores. It has been pretty Medieval around here as she has had gnashing of teeth and screams that would make the London Tower proud. Knowing Madi, I am surprised Geraldo Rivera has not been here doing a story on the senseless exploitation of children. Yes, she would do that.

Last night, I did one of her chores (I know, enabler alert), but I surprised her and Denise with a little sweet treat that they like. Since I did the bulk of the dishes, I asked Madi to finish them up in appreciation for the fact I did her work and I made her a treat. I am beginning to feel the "Yes Daddy" I hear is not what I interpret it to be.

This past Sunday, our Pastor Steve taught about truth and grace and how Jesus had equal parts of both. Yes, we need the truth but yes we all need grace as well. Too much of one without the other leaves things unbalanced. Unbalanced things in our lives lead to issues most of the time.

This morning, I get up for my run. As I go past the sink, I see ALL THE DISHES she was supposed to take care of! I mean, you can see how upset I am as I ended a sentence in a preposition! Immediately I think that I should make a big deal out of it, lay down the truth about chores and her lack of initiative and motivation and then suddenly and quietly, I hear a voice saying, "What about you?"

God took that moment to convict my heart. God has been patiently trying to lead me down another path and I am like a dog at the end of a leash that hates to walk. I procrastinate, rationalize the reasons for my inactivity (some of which are pretty good..I need to play with my kids more, I already work a meaningful job, I help out a lot around the house..I could go on. Really I could) and just plain do not do what I honestly feel God wants me to do. Maybe, like Madi, I think if I don't do it my Dad will just take care of me and do it Himself.

I wake up most mornings before 3 AM and the first thing I realize is that I did not do what I know I need to do the previous day. Man does that frustrate me.

Romans 7:15 (Contemporary English Version (CEV)

¹⁵ In fact, I don’t understand why I act the way I do. I don’t do what I know is right. I do the things I hate. 

I know I want my Heavenly Father to be gracious and patient with me. I know I do not want chastised and yelled at for not doing what I know I am supposed to do. As a dad, I see the potential in all my kids and I wonder sometimes why they don't see it and why they seem to be happy with stagnation and under utilizing their potential. 

I know I want my kids to be accountable, self motivated, ambitious and fearless, and I see that if the head of the family was those things, they would naturally follow. 


I know I am not alone in feeling the way Paul felt in Romans. How do you struggle with truth, grace and please share an "ah ha" moment of your own.

Fasting? Bless your heart..

The “bless your heart” thing is a Southern expression that precedes something less than desirable that must be pointed out to another person. For example, this has been heard on more than one occasion, 

“Fasting? Well. Bless your heart. Are you insane?”…

Few things provoke others to think that you have lost your mind more than fasting. It just is not natural. Our lives revolve around food. In our house, the food issue proves even more problematic because of Mathias’ Prader Willi Syndrome. But, even if you do not have a perpetually hungry kid in your house, the emphasis on food is everywhere.

So, you tell a co-worker that you are not eating lunch because you are voluntarily fasting, and they look at you with pity. I am not sure if they feel sorry for my hunger of they feel sorry that I have finally lost my last thread of sanity. “Experts” come out of the wood work and tell me fasting is bad for my health (but all the cheeseburgers I have consumed over the years are BETTER?). After they have exhausted their pity and health lectures and have determined I may not be insane, they all want to know, “Why?”

That is a legitimate question. I have studied various authors on the subject and I have done my Biblical research (although I am not a scholar) and have come up with a mnemonic device to explain my insanity.

F- Facing challenges or obstacles

A-Attention focused towards God                                                                                

S-Submission of the flesh

T-Times of repentance

I-Increase receptivity to Divine Intervention

N-No, NO and NO to temptation

G- Gain humility

FACING CHALLENGES

I have mentioned Paul Finck in the past. He does not see roadblocks, but rather sees challenges that one needs to conquer. Goodness knows I have a lot of challenges in my life and I make a boat load of obstacles that get in my own way. I know that, if left up to me, I am going to make a mess of things. Ask my wife. I need help facing these challenges so fasting allows me to lean on Jesus and less on myself.

ATTENTION TOWARDS GOD

I love this one. I discovered this during a 40 day fast and I sadly allowed the chaos of life to get in the way of this. Food is symbolic of life clutter. There are a few things in which to choose from of solid value and lots of junk available. With each hunger pain, take a deep breath and draw closer to God.

SUBMISSION OF THE FLESH

I have always been a pretty strong guy. This has been problematic as I tend to think I can handle many things by myself. When I get in a bind, I usually try harder and that is not smart. Flesh is weak. Period. I may do a whole blog entry on weakness of the flesh.

TIMES OF REPENTANCE

Repentant fasts are common in the Bible. To be truly repentant means to feel so sorrowfully remorse that it hurts. Too many times we feel sorry for a sin but lack that deep remorse necessary to impact one’s life. Repentance causes so much pain that committing the same sin goes against sound judgment. When we hurt that badly, we should turn to Jesus for comfort. Fasting helps us focus on not only the repentance but also the healing that follows.

INCREASED RECEPTIVITY

When you are fasting and leaning on God, you find yourself able to listen to that still small voice better. As a fast continues, one gives up more and more control and trusts God more every day. I know, this does not make any sense and I would not have believed it either if it had not happened to me.

NO, NO and NO!

Fasting helps us deal with temptation in so many ways. First, you overcome that tempting candy bar. Then, you overcome the urge to sneak a little supper. But the lessons you learn from food can then be applied to bigger and more dominant temptations in your life. The thing is, God will help you through ALL of the temptations. But you must be willing to trust Him and really want to avoid the temptation.

GAIN HUMILITY

I have not experienced anything more humbling than a fast. The most obvious to me was the physical effect of a fast. I exercised throughout my previous fast as I found that it helped me build psychological, emotional and spiritual strength but I can tell you my physical strength plummeted, which I found humbling. Endurance, speed and strength vanished. I cannot emphasize enough to newbie fasters to expect some serious weakness, especially at the beginning.

There you have it. If you can spell “fasting” you can come up with reasons for those you encounter. I have also found it useful to set the end date, look at it, and then focus on each minute of each day. Lean on Him to get you to the end.

3 Reasons NOT to negotiate with God

Life is a humbling experience. Take this blog for example. I feel God is leading me to blog and express my intentions to be a real follower. On the first post, I laid it out there that I would be fasting a portion of the week. In reality, I have found myself saying, "OK, God. I will start tomorrow. Today I have ____ and, well I need to eat. please don't take offense, Great Creator of the Universe, but I have this one.". I didn't actually say THOSE words daily but pretty much actions are louder than words. Funny, me, the guy with the messed up life, telling God when the best time to really get started.

I have come up with 3 reasons why negotiating with God makes no sense at all. I plan on reading this aloud and to myself when I get the notion I am omnipotent.

1. Pride mucks up the water. Personal pride comes at a cost. It causes us to lose our humility and puts us in a position to become arrogant. We start expressing statements that lead with "I" and do not give the credit to God. I wonder of Dr. Phil would have asked Jonah, "How's that running from Ninevah working for you?" (I do wonder if it would have been more like, "How doest that worketh for thy well being?" to give it some KJV feel). Jonah thought he knew to avoid those nasty Ninevites  and his decision would work out best for him. God felt otherwise and just for Jonah, He added a bonus trip to the inside of a giant fish. We need to remember the simple verse in Proverbs (29:23)
                                       Too much pride brings disgrace humility leads to honor.

2. Rationalization often goes against God's will. This one comes up all the time. We feel God is leading us somewhere to do something special, but we go and get all rational about it. What about the kids-will the schools be any good? What about all of our stuff? The list goes on and on. One of my favorite authors Tim Ferriss has a quote about rationalization that I appreciate.
                Pure hell forces action, but anything less can be endured with enough rationalization

Action, or the act of following God's will may go against our better judgement. That is the beauty of relying on God to guide us opposed to what we can come with ourselves. Anyone ever felt the conviction of NOT following God's will? That feeling is pretty nasty.


3. Surrender to get freedom This really does not make sense. The old hymn says "I surrender all", not "I surrender just some of the stuff because I really like being in control". Not only does that not rhyme or fit any kind of musical meter, it minimizes the potential effect that can be exerted on your life. Hmm..should I do it (see 'screw up' and my picture pops up on Wiki) or should I let God direct me? No brainer, huh?


Negotiating with God makes no sense. We parents see the futility when our kids try and negotiate with us and I have never parted the Red Sea or raised people from the dead, so think of our futility and selfishness when we try to negotiate with Him.

All you can eat lesson

The nurse practitioner part of me comes out in this post.  Educating others about health ranks high on my priority list and information about mental health has a special place in my heart. The National Institute of Mental Health’s web site offers statistics about generalized anxiety disorder. This disorder, known as GAD, affects more than 5 percent of the adult population in a lifetime. The average age of onset of symptoms is over 30. As with most mental health issues, GAD is likely under reported and many suffer in silence because of the stigma associated with mental illness or lack of information regarding the illness and its treatment.

I have worked in the mental health setting a long time. I have been around a little longer than Prozac. I have seen, diagnosed and treated many individuals with GAD. I have seen how GAD can destroy lives and upset families. Treatment often includes medications and/or counseling. What I have observed is that aside from formal treatment, suffers need support, empathy and quite a bit of behavior modification.

MEDICATIONS

I am not going into details about the medications that are used to treat GAD. All I am going to say is that medications come with side effects and risks. Medication choices vary from provider to provider. The truth is that some providers do treat GAD with medications that have a high addictive potential. Yes, I know that ALL the literature says that addictive medications SHOULD not be used, but in the real world, they are being used and abused. All I know is that person cannot have side effects from a medication they have never taken and there is no such thing as a safe medication.

THERAPY

Therapy proves to be effective and some studies may indicate even more effective than medications. However, therapy may or may not be covered under insurance plans and without coverage, many folks just cannot afford therapy. Also, it takes two to tango and a receiver of therapy has to interested and engaged in getting better. Do not dismiss the number of people who do not want to either improve or appear to improve because of secondary gain. It happens.

MY WAY OF EDUCATING

I am a simple guy, in more ways than one. I relate that before I begin to educate and I explain that I use analogies often. I have two favorites to use in teaching about GAD, and, yes, I know they both involve food. You use what you know best, I suppose.

ALL YOU CAN EAT

Let me tell you, when the Hipes Clan shows up at an “All You Can Eat” place, the owners run to try and lock the doors. So, they give you this tiny plate (a trough would be too small) and you pile it up with all the items on the buffet. You start the high wire act- carefully balancing and trying to get to the table without spillage. Undoubtedly, something falls off and hits the floor..forgetaboutit..

In GAD, you have hit the Worry Buffet way too hard. You push stuff on the plate of life at every opportunity and then something you need falls off your plate and out of your mind. Worry causes difficulty in remembering things. You worry so much you feel you are losing your mind, in addition to your car keys, shoes and wallet.

THE WHOLE PIZZA

My second analogy involves the pizza of your choice made by your favorite pizza pie artist. And, it is all yours. You are salivating and may be mistaken for being rabid. Then, you open wide and try to “one bite” the whole pie. What? You cannot do it? Why? Because it is too much to ingest and digest at once and if you try you make choke? Wow, that does not stop a person with GAD from trying to “swallow” all their worries and the others they usually take on just so they can reinforce their worries. Plus, with all those constant worries comes the sense that a person with GAD must do MORE so that no one will know they are worried about everything. Cut the dang pie into bite sized pieces. Go after the small worries first because they are weak and will die quickly.

I know me and I know that I will someday approach GAD in this blog. I do try and contain my inner NP, but sometimes it just explodes out of me. I know I will address what the Bible says about anxiety soon. Faith can play a huge role in overcoming anxiety and stress.

Let me introduce to you…

I have been blessed by meeting some pretty remarkable people in my life. I am going to introduce you to one that I have not mentioned. His name is Paul Finck. To say Paul is a life coach is like saying crème Brule is just pudding. I love my analogies when I am fasting, but I digress. Paul is one of those guys that after you spend the first 15 minutes with him, you’d swear you went to kindergarten with him. He has such a genuine quality to him that a person is naturally drawn to him.

I recommend checking out his website. In one of his programs, he talks about taking a “quantum leap” with your life. The information I am going to share is strongly influenced by his general outline and suggestions with my own Zealous touch.

1. Absolutely do things differently than you have ever done them, simply for the sake of changing them. Honestly, if one is not getting the results desired, something has must give. I want to be a lean, mean physically fit stud muffin but brownies and my peanut butter addiction makes me look more like an over sized blueberry muffin.

2. Suspend your belief that trying harder is the only way to succeed. I have struggled with this for my entire life. The key is working SMARTER (and thus the reason I have possibly struggled)

3. Act ‘as if” with complete faith (fake it until you make it) Faith sometimes means believing when you cannot actually see what you believe. God wants his children to succeed. I feel this deep down in my soul.

4. Tolerate the confusion in your life (changing everything leads to confusion) Paul is so right but my mind tells me blow this one off and put my head in the sand. Dog owners will understand this: ever speak to your dog and they hold really still because they feel they have become invisible? If you do not cause change and confusion, your life will not and cannot change. CHANGE is essential, so therefore confusion must be embraced.

5. Take your risks. This is hard because risks are, um, risky! Geez, that is what makes a risk so difficult to entertain. Instead of focusing on something bad happening with a risk taken, just know the something is bound to happen. A person has an equal chance of something amazing happening as something terrible happening.

6. Trust the outcome. I work in a prison and a term around here is “it is what it is”. An outcome is just that. An outcome can then be made a new staring place that requires a risk and then a different outcome happens. Poof..it’s magic.

7. Seek to fail. Well, I have never SOUGHT it, but I sure have found it. Seriously, I have failed because I did not follow all of Paul’s suggestions here. I have avoided confusion at any cost. I have allowed fear (and STUPID fear at that) to hinder my progress.

8. Absolutely be bold in your actions. Later, I will be writing a blog about lukewarm. But, considering this experiment is called “Zealous Intentions” and not “Mediocre attempts”, I am now sold on boldness.

9. DO it now. Wow, Paul gets me on this one because if there has ever been a guy willing to put things off, I am that guy. I’d show up to accept the prize but I’ll just do it tomorrow. I have literally lost a lot of money by putting things off out of laziness or usually a stupid fear or insecurity

10. Get uncomfortable every day. Yep, that is the goal. Fasting provides a physical discomfort which is great and can prompt me to do something beneficial, even if it hurts a little.

QUANTUM LEAP is huge leap and not a step by step process…Step by step gets you nowhere fast. Jump in and swim or sink. When you talk to Paul, he really and sincerely cannot comprehend the mindset behind going slow. He knows one speed.

Quantum Leap deserves your attention and please look up Paul. If you send him an email, tell him I said “hello”.