I Give Up....and that is how to win

Wow, it has been months since I have blogged. Hmm..let's recap. I have moved again, this time back to Panama City Beach. I have been very under-employed.. I have rarely looked at social media as most of it is not social, but political media. I have been humbled, if not humiliated by the events of life. I have laid pavers on the road of good intentions just to find roadblocks and traffic jams. It has given me too much time for self reflection.

I have been a good dad, and I have been a bad dad. The same could be said for my abilities as a husband, friend, nurse, employer and entrepreneur. I have consistently been a procrastinator and at the same time been a worrier. That's like being a diabetic and having a chocolate feast daily. I have been depressed and I admit in a very, very dark place the last couple of months. I mean a really dark place.

It dawned on me that there has been too much emphasis on "me". Look at the previous 2 paragraphs and you will see more than a dozen references to me. I am making a mess of my life. I have made decisions that have jeopardized my family's stability. Anytime there is that much "I " crap, selfishness rules.

My focus is out of whack. My rabbit ears needs some aluminum foil. Panic attacks began waking me in the middle of the night. I must say, being underemployed sucks. One morning, the scripture in Luke came to me. Luke 12:22-34 has been weighing on my mind a lot. Being the great procrastinator, I have been putting this off with the idea I can make things better. I sit here with the flu and I am publically admitting I am not capable of making anything better. I quit. I surrender.

And I will win! I am giving up the daily grind of life to God. He is not going to let me starve. He provided a job for me that starts in 2 days. I am one day closer to freedom. We all want freedom, whether it's financial freedom, freedom from worry, or freedom to bear arms. Humans desire freedom. I cannot produce freedom, and only God can provide true freedom. I have sadly seen so many Facebook arguments about the existence of God. I know He exists. That defines faith. I pray for those who mock believers. I even read a post where a guy called the disciples "sheep herders". That is expected and although I can make no sense of such comments, that person is free to believe that. I know and admit I have done a lot of terrible things but my faith tells me I am not perfect, yet I am forgiven by grace. Granted, I do not like it when others point out my sins, but they are sins regardless.

I don't know about you, but I want to be free from a lot of stuff. Stuff that gets in my way and stuff that may require supernatural intervention. I desire a true transformation. I guess I am back and I will chronicle my quest for transformation and freedom...Freedom Acquired through Supernatural Transformation.

Self Inflicted Nonsense

We had a weekend in which we were traveling quite a bit in the car. When that happens, I usually am a poor planner and we end up eating the dreaded fast food. Yes, I should know better, especially since I made a bold prediction of losing a boat load of weight. There is actually "good news" on that front. I had a couple of body compositions done using different formulas and my absolute lean body weight is 213 pounds. So, unless I amputate body parts, I will not be getting below 200 pounds anytime soon.

On Sunday morning, the exercise ritual began with a lot of aches and pains. The knots in my thighs were so huge and painful and referred pain into my hips. I set out on my bike ride after stretching and moving to get things loosened up a bit.

As I started on the bike, I thought to myself, "You know, the pain is your fault because of your food choices." I could not argue with myself. Everything I was feeling was certainly self inflicted. Self Inflicted NONsense..As I was pedaling, I shortened "self inflicted nonsense" to SIN.

What? SIN? And you know what? Sin is also self inflicted nonsense. Think about it for a second. No one forces us to sin. Take Adam and Eve for instance with the first sins against God. Adam TRIED to blame Eve but Adam was more than well aware of the instructions they had received from God. Adam did it to himself, or self inflicted the act. And, the act was for a nonsensical reason. Adam and Eve LIVED IN PARADISE. and they threw it all away for nothing.

The opportunity for us to sin WILL cross our path. There has not been a person yet who was not faced with sin. It can be a great big sin, or it can be a little, itsy bitsy sin. However, sin IS sin and it is not graded on size.

Now back to my muscle pain..I KNOW that my aches, pains and myofascial problems can be worsened with poor dietary choices. I know that eating with Kings and Clowns will only bring me down. Instead of planning and making a wise choice, I settled for the convenient choice and paid the consequences. I am talking about 20-30 minutes of hard labor with a foam roller and "The Stick" and take it from me, that is no fun.

Choices and consequences go a lot deeper than muscle pain. Kind David, like the rest of us, had a choice when it came to Bathsheeba. He could have walked away, but instead he really made a tangled mess of things. He certainly had consequences to his actions. If a person eats crap, then their legs will hurt and if a person commits a sin, then there will be a consequence and/or a punishment.

You know what is really bad? Chocolate tastes so sinfully good. It lures me in and I indulge only to feel the pain in the muscles and at the scales. Temptation is attractive. If sin was not attractive, we would never fall prey to it. Knowledge sounded good to Adam and Eve. It represented power. Temptation and sin will appeal to us on some level.

How do we deal with Self Inflicted Nonsense? First, we need to RECOGNIZE that it exists. The allure of cupcakes looms in my future and I must recognize that a cupcake will not kill me, but I can assure you that the foam roller will be needed. Next, I must UNDERSTAND my limitations. I know my weaknesses and need to know that I am vulnerable to those weaknesses. And finally, I need to firmly and emphatically say. "NO" because there is too much at stake. Oh, look, to deal with SIN (Self Inflicted Nonsense) a simple strategy is to RUN...sometimes as fast as one can.

On that note, I break in a new pair of running shoes in the morning..

Accountability WIth a Twist

No one could ever accuse me of seeing the world in a cookie cutter way. If the first step is acknowledgement, then I accept that I am not right, or as they say back home, "I ain't right.". Even though I am a bubble and a half off plumb, I need goals and I certainly need accountability.

I possess an advanced degree in procrastination. It took me a while to get that degree as I kept putting off the work. In a sense, that caused me to receive the degree with honors. Obviously, it comes into play in meeting any business dream I might have. I could go on and bore you with hours of details showing how I have put off doing things. Why do I put things off like I do? I am not totally sure. Maybe part of me enjoys misery, stress and worry. I am certain that fear puts me down all the time. Yesterday, the Biblical parable of the servants and talents hit me like a ton of bricks. FEAR kept the one servant from investing or taking care of the 'talent' (asset) that the master gave to him. FEAR led him to be called "lazy" and, as the CEV states, "good for nothing". If any of you are like me and fight esteem issues, the last thing I need is my prowess of procrastination prompting someone to call me 'lazy'.

I am a great dreamer and goal setter. I find following through difficult because of fear and some other things. I have brainstormed a few unique ways to encourage accountability.

1. Tell others your goal. I do not mean just write it down in a journal (a great idea, by the way). I mean yell it from the mountaintops, or better yet, post it on the modern day mountain tops-Facebook and/or Twitter. Lay it out there. See who the supporters are in your life and weed out the haters. If your dream or goal means that much to you and you add in your post a simple "why" statement, then your true friends and supporters will be unable to at least click "like". Silence speaks volumes and those who do not respond are merely nosey and not what you need.

2. Use your common SENSE(S) This is where it gets unique to the inner workings of my mind. Senses guide our life and much of this guidance is done without any conscious thought. You smell and see the "HOT NOW" sign on the Krispy Kreme store and your mouth and stomach get the message immediately. Why not use that sense recognition for good?

Let's look at a "body" goal. People have used motivational pictures of how they want to look for years and visualization has long been encouraged. The sense of sight helps out here in the quest for the beach worthy body. How about smell? One could easily keep a bottle of coconut scented tanning oil nearby so a quick snort could keep them on track. Sense of sound is included with simple affirmations repeated that one finds encouraging. The sense of taste proves a little trickier. Sure, a mouth full of sand would prompt visions of the beach, but instead, savoring and enjoying the tastes of healthy food. If you do not find healthy food attractive, I know a way to change that..And finally, the sense of touch. I see this one with huge potential. How about a simple band around your wrist? You feel it and that could hold you accountable when after that dang brownie jumped right into your hand. I have heard of people shaving their heads as a reminder that they need to be focused.

There you have it. A couple simple ways to help with accountability. There are other, more traditional ways, like finding an accountability partner and the aforementioned journaling. In a couple of days, I am putting this to the test in a very public way.

The diet is coming, the diet is coming

I know, this title makes me sound like Paul Revere or maybe Chicken Little. And the title might be a bit misleading as it should be more about "lifestyle" than diet, but "the lifestyle is coming" is way too long and may provoke a million other controversial thoughts that I really don't need right now. To make one thing clear, I am not Chicken Little. I might better depict "Chicken Fat", and some of you my age might remember that exercise album they played in school.

I do have a great Chicken Fat story. I started out as a PE major at WVU and had a class called "Elementary Rhythm and Games" in which college students played tag, redlight/green light and the dreaded Chicken Fat song. Once an elderly man was walking past our class and loudly protested that higher education was a waste.

Now that the intent and title have been clarified, let me tell you the WHY a lifestyle change is in store.

REASON 1: Change is growth. My household is about to undergo a huge change. My wife is re-entering the workforce.  I will put aside all the reasons I need therapy for this and focus on the fact it can potentially help our finances and God placed an opportunity in front of her. Life around here will change and I need to change with it. This change may be the boost I need to get my ever growing butt into gear literally and figuratively. I will not disclose ALL my thoughts here as that will rob me of future blog material. All I can say is do not be surprise and be very afraid.

REASON 2: Reality. Height and weight charts do not lie. I can rationalize all day long but the reality is I am way too large. I did pray for a growth spurt last night and hoped to awaken at a little over 8 feet tall but that did not happen. Also, my frame is what it is. I know the truth of my frame size. It is time to accept the height and weight chart and do what it takes to get to that weight range. Also, recently I met a cardiovascular surgeon who gave up surgery to help people change their lives. We had a nice discussion but I could the excitement in his eyes as he was mentaly doing my open heart surgery. It is time for a change.

REASON 3: Do what I say. For the love of Pete, I am a nurse practitioner with a strong background in exercise and exercise physiology. I read Muscle and Fitness when it was in black and white. I have read countless, boring exercise and fitness sources FOR FUN. I have a huge knowledge base and I seem to hide it pretty well. It is as hidden as my abs.

Are there others like me? Statistics say yes. My observations say yes as well as I find myself quietly comparing my girth to others I see. I sincerely want to help them. I know where they are and how they feel. I first must "walk the walk" if I want others to get healthy.

And by initially announcing this on a blog, I am risking public humiliation and accountability. But, on the other hand, not too many read my ramblings. Yet.. there is so much more to come.

Give up or give in

Remember the story of Elijah and the widow? Elijah instructed a poor widow to make him some bread. It seemed like a simple request but for this widow, the request was more than she could imagine. A drought had absolutely ravaged the land and food, flour and oil were scarce. The widow had done all she could do with what she had and sadly had resigned that she and her son would die.

I cannot imagine what her life was like a few days or even a few weeks before the fateful day in which she knew she would die. She would prepare a last piece of bread and she and her son would die soon thereafter. I am sure she prayed and worried and held out hope that something amazing would happen. I bet the morning she thought would be her last broke her heart. She undoubtedly looked at her son and wondered what would his life have been like if her husband had not died and if the drought had not ruined the land.

Then Elijah shows up and asks her to do something impossible. Up to the moment that Elijah insisted, the widow had a choice. This choice would change her life forever.

She could either 'give up' and die or 'give in (to God)' and live a life that would forever be immortalized by a Biblical account. The "woman who never ran out of oil" had a living testimony the rest of her life.

God asks us to give everything to Him. We are to praise Him when things are great and we are to praise Him when things are really...crappy. In addition to praise, we are to give Him our worries, troubles and concerns. If you grow up in Appalachia like I did, you will hear a million times to leave whatever bugs you "at the foot of the cross."

But why does it happen that we just 'give up' sometimes? Frustrations grow and multiply to the point it clouds our vision and we take our eyes of Him. Despair breeds hopelessness and hopelessness causes us to lose all expectation of a miracle or a higher calling.

Giving in and giving it all to God takes courage and faith. When we are weak, He is strong. When we cannot take anymore, He is willing to do what we need. Our stressors are well within the ability of God to handle. We just have to remember that and remind others when they are feeling overwhelmed.

Setbacks

Setbacks

Yesterday, I was breezing along during the fast day. Actually was beginning to feel good as I passed the yucky stage I often feel near the end of the first day. Then, as I was seeing a patient, I started experiencing the vision fuzziness of one of my old nemesis the migraine. And it was a doozy. I was sure there was a huge ice pick being shoved through my right eye and noise was killing me. Can I tell you that being sensitive to noise while working in a prison makes for a long afternoon?

Concentration was poor. Pain was intense. Needless to say, when I arrived at home, I was useless to blog, market, or anything shy of finding someplace to escape. Since I was in dire need of something for pain, I busted my fast in order to take ibuprofen.

The whole migraine day proved to be a setback. Because of the pain and inability to think, I was not able to pursue my intentions with zealous fervor. Looking back, I could have approached the day a little differently. Although it sounds strange, I should have thanked God because we are supposed to praise him in good times and bad. Plus, the migraine did allow me time being alone and I do not think I offered up one prayer during that time. What a wasted opportunity! I was in serious pain and I did not lean toward God for comfort. Surely I would have felt better in some sense if I would have talked to my Dad.

Humans try to be tough and make through setbacks with grit and determination. Setbacks happen. It is how we deal with the setbacks and how our response is to that setback that determines the outcome. Think of David. He had a major setback with the “Bathsheba Incident”. Yes, he suffered pain and anguish from that and he went on to have a fruitful and blessed life and had another son named Solomon. He endured the setback by reaching out to God. After losing a child, he could just as easily became bitter and spent the rest of his life sinning and cursing God.

Trials and tribulations are part of our lives and when you are working on turning up the heat to escape being lukewarm, expect more tribulations, trials, setbacks, and hurdles. Every time you survive a setback by leaning on God, you become stronger, and that strength glorifies Him. I understand that going through troubling times may be overwhelming. But think of the growth you will have as that trial stretches your ability to handle trouble.