Self Inflicted Nonsense

We had a weekend in which we were traveling quite a bit in the car. When that happens, I usually am a poor planner and we end up eating the dreaded fast food. Yes, I should know better, especially since I made a bold prediction of losing a boat load of weight. There is actually "good news" on that front. I had a couple of body compositions done using different formulas and my absolute lean body weight is 213 pounds. So, unless I amputate body parts, I will not be getting below 200 pounds anytime soon.

On Sunday morning, the exercise ritual began with a lot of aches and pains. The knots in my thighs were so huge and painful and referred pain into my hips. I set out on my bike ride after stretching and moving to get things loosened up a bit.

As I started on the bike, I thought to myself, "You know, the pain is your fault because of your food choices." I could not argue with myself. Everything I was feeling was certainly self inflicted. Self Inflicted NONsense..As I was pedaling, I shortened "self inflicted nonsense" to SIN.

What? SIN? And you know what? Sin is also self inflicted nonsense. Think about it for a second. No one forces us to sin. Take Adam and Eve for instance with the first sins against God. Adam TRIED to blame Eve but Adam was more than well aware of the instructions they had received from God. Adam did it to himself, or self inflicted the act. And, the act was for a nonsensical reason. Adam and Eve LIVED IN PARADISE. and they threw it all away for nothing.

The opportunity for us to sin WILL cross our path. There has not been a person yet who was not faced with sin. It can be a great big sin, or it can be a little, itsy bitsy sin. However, sin IS sin and it is not graded on size.

Now back to my muscle pain..I KNOW that my aches, pains and myofascial problems can be worsened with poor dietary choices. I know that eating with Kings and Clowns will only bring me down. Instead of planning and making a wise choice, I settled for the convenient choice and paid the consequences. I am talking about 20-30 minutes of hard labor with a foam roller and "The Stick" and take it from me, that is no fun.

Choices and consequences go a lot deeper than muscle pain. Kind David, like the rest of us, had a choice when it came to Bathsheeba. He could have walked away, but instead he really made a tangled mess of things. He certainly had consequences to his actions. If a person eats crap, then their legs will hurt and if a person commits a sin, then there will be a consequence and/or a punishment.

You know what is really bad? Chocolate tastes so sinfully good. It lures me in and I indulge only to feel the pain in the muscles and at the scales. Temptation is attractive. If sin was not attractive, we would never fall prey to it. Knowledge sounded good to Adam and Eve. It represented power. Temptation and sin will appeal to us on some level.

How do we deal with Self Inflicted Nonsense? First, we need to RECOGNIZE that it exists. The allure of cupcakes looms in my future and I must recognize that a cupcake will not kill me, but I can assure you that the foam roller will be needed. Next, I must UNDERSTAND my limitations. I know my weaknesses and need to know that I am vulnerable to those weaknesses. And finally, I need to firmly and emphatically say. "NO" because there is too much at stake. Oh, look, to deal with SIN (Self Inflicted Nonsense) a simple strategy is to RUN...sometimes as fast as one can.

On that note, I break in a new pair of running shoes in the morning..

Give up or give in

Remember the story of Elijah and the widow? Elijah instructed a poor widow to make him some bread. It seemed like a simple request but for this widow, the request was more than she could imagine. A drought had absolutely ravaged the land and food, flour and oil were scarce. The widow had done all she could do with what she had and sadly had resigned that she and her son would die.

I cannot imagine what her life was like a few days or even a few weeks before the fateful day in which she knew she would die. She would prepare a last piece of bread and she and her son would die soon thereafter. I am sure she prayed and worried and held out hope that something amazing would happen. I bet the morning she thought would be her last broke her heart. She undoubtedly looked at her son and wondered what would his life have been like if her husband had not died and if the drought had not ruined the land.

Then Elijah shows up and asks her to do something impossible. Up to the moment that Elijah insisted, the widow had a choice. This choice would change her life forever.

She could either 'give up' and die or 'give in (to God)' and live a life that would forever be immortalized by a Biblical account. The "woman who never ran out of oil" had a living testimony the rest of her life.

God asks us to give everything to Him. We are to praise Him when things are great and we are to praise Him when things are really...crappy. In addition to praise, we are to give Him our worries, troubles and concerns. If you grow up in Appalachia like I did, you will hear a million times to leave whatever bugs you "at the foot of the cross."

But why does it happen that we just 'give up' sometimes? Frustrations grow and multiply to the point it clouds our vision and we take our eyes of Him. Despair breeds hopelessness and hopelessness causes us to lose all expectation of a miracle or a higher calling.

Giving in and giving it all to God takes courage and faith. When we are weak, He is strong. When we cannot take anymore, He is willing to do what we need. Our stressors are well within the ability of God to handle. We just have to remember that and remind others when they are feeling overwhelmed.

Grace wins over truth..this time

The dentist. I hate those two words and the experiences related to them. Nothing ever goes well when I go and pain usually follows. Yesterday, pain was minimal but hurt and anger were definitely challenging.

I have a bad tooth and we as a family were not sure if it would be pulled. I have found out that dentists do not pull teeth. Anyway, Denise took the kids and we all went. Mathias loves doctor offices and he found some books to read. He then started asking if he could go back to the dental chair with me and I told him that he could not go. Mathias had been up since about 5:45AM and fatigue was not helping. He began to cry and we could tell that core meltdown was imment. It was like a nuclear power plant and we knew we would have to isolate the situation of toxic radiation in the form of a full fledged, snot slinging fit. So Denise hit the elevator button and one would have thought the building had 200 floors and not 3. Needless to say, she was dragging him into the elevator crying.

Whew, I thought, situation resolved. But no, as one of the dental staff came out for another client just after the elevator door shut. She said to him in a wonderfully sarcastic tone that print does not capture, "Are you ready to go back? I know I would be if I had to be out here with THAT"

"THAT" referred to my son. My precious little man who has overcome more in his short life than anyone else in that office combined. Immediately, I could feel the OLD John begin to rise. My close friends will tell you that few have been gifted (or cursed) with a mouth and mind better to be sarcastic, sardonic, and downright cutting. I, too, wanted to just leave but I knew Denise would be frustrated with me because my tooth was killing me.

Then I recalled Pastor Steve's sermon on Sunday. Do I tell them pure TRUTH, which, well, sometimes the truth can be ugly and so can I? Or do I temper it with grace and allow anger to subside before I respond? I opted for grace.

Anger happens. We all know that Jesus showed anger but did not sin. That tells me that anger is allowed but care must be taken not to sin.

So this morning, after a good night sleep on ibuprofen and benadryl and a run this morning, I sent this letter to the dentist:

I want to first than your office for the care that I received yesterday. Secondly, I want to inform you that my family will not be returning to your office and that we will seek care elsewhere. I have a precious son named Mathias, who is 5 years old and he has a condition known as Prader Willi Syndrome. With this, he has some developmental delay issues. He wanted to come with me yesterday and my wife Denise and I do our best to provide him typical experiences. Well, he became upset when we told him that he could not go with me when I was called and started crying. My wife began removing him from the waiting area and it took a bit for the elevator to come. Needless to say, he figured out the elevator meant he was leaving and began crying harder. One of your staff, came out to get another client just as the elevator door closed.

"Are you ready to come back? I know I'd be ready to come back if I had to sit out here with this", is what she said to the other client. If she knew I was his dad, then she certainly was more rude than I thought.

I have been a nurse since 1986. Sometimes staff need to refrain from unflattering remarks because they may be ignorant to who is listening. My son is my precious jewel, no matter if he is laughing or if he is crying. To disrespect him angers me and makes me feel pity for those who are careless enough to be rude.

So, I feel that grace and time served me better than truth. What a battle! I thank God for convicting my heart.

What about you guys? Any truth/grace stories?

Truth, Grace and a Parental "Ah Ha" Moment

 We are trying to get 10 year old Madi to participate in the "have to" things around the house. Yes, she is being more accountable for the "C" word: chores. It has been pretty Medieval around here as she has had gnashing of teeth and screams that would make the London Tower proud. Knowing Madi, I am surprised Geraldo Rivera has not been here doing a story on the senseless exploitation of children. Yes, she would do that.

Last night, I did one of her chores (I know, enabler alert), but I surprised her and Denise with a little sweet treat that they like. Since I did the bulk of the dishes, I asked Madi to finish them up in appreciation for the fact I did her work and I made her a treat. I am beginning to feel the "Yes Daddy" I hear is not what I interpret it to be.

This past Sunday, our Pastor Steve taught about truth and grace and how Jesus had equal parts of both. Yes, we need the truth but yes we all need grace as well. Too much of one without the other leaves things unbalanced. Unbalanced things in our lives lead to issues most of the time.

This morning, I get up for my run. As I go past the sink, I see ALL THE DISHES she was supposed to take care of! I mean, you can see how upset I am as I ended a sentence in a preposition! Immediately I think that I should make a big deal out of it, lay down the truth about chores and her lack of initiative and motivation and then suddenly and quietly, I hear a voice saying, "What about you?"

God took that moment to convict my heart. God has been patiently trying to lead me down another path and I am like a dog at the end of a leash that hates to walk. I procrastinate, rationalize the reasons for my inactivity (some of which are pretty good..I need to play with my kids more, I already work a meaningful job, I help out a lot around the house..I could go on. Really I could) and just plain do not do what I honestly feel God wants me to do. Maybe, like Madi, I think if I don't do it my Dad will just take care of me and do it Himself.

I wake up most mornings before 3 AM and the first thing I realize is that I did not do what I know I need to do the previous day. Man does that frustrate me.

Romans 7:15 (Contemporary English Version (CEV)

¹⁵ In fact, I don’t understand why I act the way I do. I don’t do what I know is right. I do the things I hate. 

I know I want my Heavenly Father to be gracious and patient with me. I know I do not want chastised and yelled at for not doing what I know I am supposed to do. As a dad, I see the potential in all my kids and I wonder sometimes why they don't see it and why they seem to be happy with stagnation and under utilizing their potential. 

I know I want my kids to be accountable, self motivated, ambitious and fearless, and I see that if the head of the family was those things, they would naturally follow. 


I know I am not alone in feeling the way Paul felt in Romans. How do you struggle with truth, grace and please share an "ah ha" moment of your own.