Wow, it has been months since I have blogged. Hmm..let's recap. I have moved again, this time back to Panama City Beach. I have been very under-employed.. I have rarely looked at social media as most of it is not social, but political media. I have been humbled, if not humiliated by the events of life. I have laid pavers on the road of good intentions just to find roadblocks and traffic jams. It has given me too much time for self reflection.
I have been a good dad, and I have been a bad dad. The same could be said for my abilities as a husband, friend, nurse, employer and entrepreneur. I have consistently been a procrastinator and at the same time been a worrier. That's like being a diabetic and having a chocolate feast daily. I have been depressed and I admit in a very, very dark place the last couple of months. I mean a really dark place.
It dawned on me that there has been too much emphasis on "me". Look at the previous 2 paragraphs and you will see more than a dozen references to me. I am making a mess of my life. I have made decisions that have jeopardized my family's stability. Anytime there is that much "I " crap, selfishness rules.
My focus is out of whack. My rabbit ears needs some aluminum foil. Panic attacks began waking me in the middle of the night. I must say, being underemployed sucks. One morning, the scripture in Luke came to me. Luke 12:22-34 has been weighing on my mind a lot. Being the great procrastinator, I have been putting this off with the idea I can make things better. I sit here with the flu and I am publically admitting I am not capable of making anything better. I quit. I surrender.
And I will win! I am giving up the daily grind of life to God. He is not going to let me starve. He provided a job for me that starts in 2 days. I am one day closer to freedom. We all want freedom, whether it's financial freedom, freedom from worry, or freedom to bear arms. Humans desire freedom. I cannot produce freedom, and only God can provide true freedom. I have sadly seen so many Facebook arguments about the existence of God. I know He exists. That defines faith. I pray for those who mock believers. I even read a post where a guy called the disciples "sheep herders". That is expected and although I can make no sense of such comments, that person is free to believe that. I know and admit I have done a lot of terrible things but my faith tells me I am not perfect, yet I am forgiven by grace. Granted, I do not like it when others point out my sins, but they are sins regardless.
I don't know about you, but I want to be free from a lot of stuff. Stuff that gets in my way and stuff that may require supernatural intervention. I desire a true transformation. I guess I am back and I will chronicle my quest for transformation and freedom...Freedom Acquired through Supernatural Transformation.
Body..Mind..Heart...Soul
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Monday, November 5, 2012
Self Inflicted Nonsense
We had a weekend in which we were traveling quite a bit in the car. When that happens, I usually am a poor planner and we end up eating the dreaded fast food. Yes, I should know better, especially since I made a bold prediction of losing a boat load of weight. There is actually "good news" on that front. I had a couple of body compositions done using different formulas and my absolute lean body weight is 213 pounds. So, unless I amputate body parts, I will not be getting below 200 pounds anytime soon.
On Sunday morning, the exercise ritual began with a lot of aches and pains. The knots in my thighs were so huge and painful and referred pain into my hips. I set out on my bike ride after stretching and moving to get things loosened up a bit.
As I started on the bike, I thought to myself, "You know, the pain is your fault because of your food choices." I could not argue with myself. Everything I was feeling was certainly self inflicted. Self Inflicted NONsense..As I was pedaling, I shortened "self inflicted nonsense" to SIN.
What? SIN? And you know what? Sin is also self inflicted nonsense. Think about it for a second. No one forces us to sin. Take Adam and Eve for instance with the first sins against God. Adam TRIED to blame Eve but Adam was more than well aware of the instructions they had received from God. Adam did it to himself, or self inflicted the act. And, the act was for a nonsensical reason. Adam and Eve LIVED IN PARADISE. and they threw it all away for nothing.
The opportunity for us to sin WILL cross our path. There has not been a person yet who was not faced with sin. It can be a great big sin, or it can be a little, itsy bitsy sin. However, sin IS sin and it is not graded on size.
Now back to my muscle pain..I KNOW that my aches, pains and myofascial problems can be worsened with poor dietary choices. I know that eating with Kings and Clowns will only bring me down. Instead of planning and making a wise choice, I settled for the convenient choice and paid the consequences. I am talking about 20-30 minutes of hard labor with a foam roller and "The Stick" and take it from me, that is no fun.
Choices and consequences go a lot deeper than muscle pain. Kind David, like the rest of us, had a choice when it came to Bathsheeba. He could have walked away, but instead he really made a tangled mess of things. He certainly had consequences to his actions. If a person eats crap, then their legs will hurt and if a person commits a sin, then there will be a consequence and/or a punishment.
You know what is really bad? Chocolate tastes so sinfully good. It lures me in and I indulge only to feel the pain in the muscles and at the scales. Temptation is attractive. If sin was not attractive, we would never fall prey to it. Knowledge sounded good to Adam and Eve. It represented power. Temptation and sin will appeal to us on some level.
How do we deal with Self Inflicted Nonsense? First, we need to RECOGNIZE that it exists. The allure of cupcakes looms in my future and I must recognize that a cupcake will not kill me, but I can assure you that the foam roller will be needed. Next, I must UNDERSTAND my limitations. I know my weaknesses and need to know that I am vulnerable to those weaknesses. And finally, I need to firmly and emphatically say. "NO" because there is too much at stake. Oh, look, to deal with SIN (Self Inflicted Nonsense) a simple strategy is to RUN...sometimes as fast as one can.
On that note, I break in a new pair of running shoes in the morning..
On Sunday morning, the exercise ritual began with a lot of aches and pains. The knots in my thighs were so huge and painful and referred pain into my hips. I set out on my bike ride after stretching and moving to get things loosened up a bit.
As I started on the bike, I thought to myself, "You know, the pain is your fault because of your food choices." I could not argue with myself. Everything I was feeling was certainly self inflicted. Self Inflicted NONsense..As I was pedaling, I shortened "self inflicted nonsense" to SIN.
What? SIN? And you know what? Sin is also self inflicted nonsense. Think about it for a second. No one forces us to sin. Take Adam and Eve for instance with the first sins against God. Adam TRIED to blame Eve but Adam was more than well aware of the instructions they had received from God. Adam did it to himself, or self inflicted the act. And, the act was for a nonsensical reason. Adam and Eve LIVED IN PARADISE. and they threw it all away for nothing.
The opportunity for us to sin WILL cross our path. There has not been a person yet who was not faced with sin. It can be a great big sin, or it can be a little, itsy bitsy sin. However, sin IS sin and it is not graded on size.
Now back to my muscle pain..I KNOW that my aches, pains and myofascial problems can be worsened with poor dietary choices. I know that eating with Kings and Clowns will only bring me down. Instead of planning and making a wise choice, I settled for the convenient choice and paid the consequences. I am talking about 20-30 minutes of hard labor with a foam roller and "The Stick" and take it from me, that is no fun.
Choices and consequences go a lot deeper than muscle pain. Kind David, like the rest of us, had a choice when it came to Bathsheeba. He could have walked away, but instead he really made a tangled mess of things. He certainly had consequences to his actions. If a person eats crap, then their legs will hurt and if a person commits a sin, then there will be a consequence and/or a punishment.
You know what is really bad? Chocolate tastes so sinfully good. It lures me in and I indulge only to feel the pain in the muscles and at the scales. Temptation is attractive. If sin was not attractive, we would never fall prey to it. Knowledge sounded good to Adam and Eve. It represented power. Temptation and sin will appeal to us on some level.
How do we deal with Self Inflicted Nonsense? First, we need to RECOGNIZE that it exists. The allure of cupcakes looms in my future and I must recognize that a cupcake will not kill me, but I can assure you that the foam roller will be needed. Next, I must UNDERSTAND my limitations. I know my weaknesses and need to know that I am vulnerable to those weaknesses. And finally, I need to firmly and emphatically say. "NO" because there is too much at stake. Oh, look, to deal with SIN (Self Inflicted Nonsense) a simple strategy is to RUN...sometimes as fast as one can.
On that note, I break in a new pair of running shoes in the morning..
Sunday, October 28, 2012
Life is a Bycycle Ride
Sunday, October 28, 2012
0430
This is the time I started my Sunday morning ride. I am really fortunate that the young man who lives with us part time has a great bike he lets me use. I thought I had died and gone to heaven the first time I rode his Trek because all I had ever ridden were discount bikes. Heck, the cost of all my bikes together MIGHT buy a new tire for his Trek. I have been rediscovering the joy and exercise of riding a bike for a few weeks now. This morning, the plan was to ride 30 miles as I completed 25 miles last Sunday.
I go outside, turn my headlight on and my blinking seat and take out on my journey. Tropical storm Sandy, even though she is on the East Coast, provided us with the winds and gusts down here in South West Florida. I will be honest, about 3 miles into the trip, I was ready to turn around and call a 6 day trip a success. As I rationalized this lame decision, a still, small voice in my head said, "Go ahead; you always take the easy way out eventually."
I did the entire 30 miles as I planned. I fought headwinds, rejoiced in tail winds, and had an great workout. As I rode, I was enlightened on how a bike ride mimics life. This is what I came up with as I peddled a long way from home.
Sometimes, the trip of life is hard. As I peddled and ran into a strong gust of wind, my stroke would slow down, my legs would burn and I would slow down to a snail's pace. There I was, putting forth a good effort when the wind hit me and made me miserable. I was going nowhere and the sustained, leg burning effort started to become frustrating. Life does this, too. You get up, put in the same effort you did the last day of your "Groundhog's Day" life, and a gust of life hits you in the face.
Maybe it is the car giving you troubles. Maybe your kid has temporarily lost their mind and made a choice that makes no sense but affects your life. I can tell you from personal experience, a bike ride burns my legs, but life burns me somewhere a little more sensitive.
Sometimes, you have to change gears. Bad days require extra effort to say the least. In life, we find ourselves grinding it out during those terrible moments. Ever had a migraine headache and no sick days? Days like that make you gut one out for the team. A person just gears down and pushes through the obstacle or mountain life has thrown. On the other hand, when things are going great, jump into that higher gear and things really begin t take off for you.
Sometimes, you can coast. Slow down and smell the roses. The day is going well and you have some extra time, money or energy (Or on a special day, all 3). Coasting on a bike allows you to cover ground and not exert any energy to do it. I do not coast much as I am trying to use biking for exercise, but there are benefits when I do. First of all, I use a coast to stand up and get out of the saddle. My butt tends to like coasting. Secondly, I can really focus in on the scenery around me when I am coasting. For me, I ride in the dark and I never get tired of looking at the stars and the sky. Coasting in life allows one to take the pressure off on those things that are pains in your butt (see, I said bike riding and life are the same!)
If you give up before your final destination, you will never get there. Many times, the head winds of life cause us to give up on our dreams. It becomes too hard, the mountain too steep and the ride of life consumes too much energy. Instead of getting through the situation, we merely come out of the saddle and give up. I see 2 reasons to come out of the saddle. You can either come out just before you quit, or you can come out to put some real power in the stroke. It is easy to give up and takes courage to keep on going, even when it looks bleak and tiring.
So we know life is a highway (which has run through my mind since this idea came to me). Push through and look forward to coasting.
0430
This is the time I started my Sunday morning ride. I am really fortunate that the young man who lives with us part time has a great bike he lets me use. I thought I had died and gone to heaven the first time I rode his Trek because all I had ever ridden were discount bikes. Heck, the cost of all my bikes together MIGHT buy a new tire for his Trek. I have been rediscovering the joy and exercise of riding a bike for a few weeks now. This morning, the plan was to ride 30 miles as I completed 25 miles last Sunday.
I go outside, turn my headlight on and my blinking seat and take out on my journey. Tropical storm Sandy, even though she is on the East Coast, provided us with the winds and gusts down here in South West Florida. I will be honest, about 3 miles into the trip, I was ready to turn around and call a 6 day trip a success. As I rationalized this lame decision, a still, small voice in my head said, "Go ahead; you always take the easy way out eventually."
I did the entire 30 miles as I planned. I fought headwinds, rejoiced in tail winds, and had an great workout. As I rode, I was enlightened on how a bike ride mimics life. This is what I came up with as I peddled a long way from home.
Sometimes, the trip of life is hard. As I peddled and ran into a strong gust of wind, my stroke would slow down, my legs would burn and I would slow down to a snail's pace. There I was, putting forth a good effort when the wind hit me and made me miserable. I was going nowhere and the sustained, leg burning effort started to become frustrating. Life does this, too. You get up, put in the same effort you did the last day of your "Groundhog's Day" life, and a gust of life hits you in the face.
Maybe it is the car giving you troubles. Maybe your kid has temporarily lost their mind and made a choice that makes no sense but affects your life. I can tell you from personal experience, a bike ride burns my legs, but life burns me somewhere a little more sensitive.
Sometimes, you have to change gears. Bad days require extra effort to say the least. In life, we find ourselves grinding it out during those terrible moments. Ever had a migraine headache and no sick days? Days like that make you gut one out for the team. A person just gears down and pushes through the obstacle or mountain life has thrown. On the other hand, when things are going great, jump into that higher gear and things really begin t take off for you.
Sometimes, you can coast. Slow down and smell the roses. The day is going well and you have some extra time, money or energy (Or on a special day, all 3). Coasting on a bike allows you to cover ground and not exert any energy to do it. I do not coast much as I am trying to use biking for exercise, but there are benefits when I do. First of all, I use a coast to stand up and get out of the saddle. My butt tends to like coasting. Secondly, I can really focus in on the scenery around me when I am coasting. For me, I ride in the dark and I never get tired of looking at the stars and the sky. Coasting in life allows one to take the pressure off on those things that are pains in your butt (see, I said bike riding and life are the same!)
If you give up before your final destination, you will never get there. Many times, the head winds of life cause us to give up on our dreams. It becomes too hard, the mountain too steep and the ride of life consumes too much energy. Instead of getting through the situation, we merely come out of the saddle and give up. I see 2 reasons to come out of the saddle. You can either come out just before you quit, or you can come out to put some real power in the stroke. It is easy to give up and takes courage to keep on going, even when it looks bleak and tiring.
So we know life is a highway (which has run through my mind since this idea came to me). Push through and look forward to coasting.
Monday, October 15, 2012
Good or bad, happy or sad..
Psalm 42 :11 "Why am I discouraged?
Why am I restless?
I trust you!
And I will praise you again
because you help me,
and you are my God.
Why am I restless?
I trust you!
And I will praise you again
because you help me,
and you are my God.
The last post disclosed my favorite professional catch phrases that I tend to use, and sometimes, over use. As a Christian, I believe we have "catch phrases" that roll off out tongue without any deep thought or consideration. Sadly, one of those may be "praise the Lord".
If any of you have ever seen the movie "Facing the Giants", you will recall when the Cinderella high school team lost a heartbreaking game, the coach told his players to praise God in defeat just as they would in victory. And, as the movie goes, an amazing second chance happened for the team and the loss did not count. The movie had a happy ending, just as one would expect from a Christian based film. I believe with all of my being that because I am a Christian, there will be a happy ending for me in eternity. It is the basic foundation of my Faith.
As humans, we struggle with a lot of plot twists in route to our happy ending. Sure, it is easy and natural to praise God when we are scoring touchdowns and much harder to do when we fumble in life or when we fall short. It is easy to praise Him when the day is going great and much more difficult to do when we wake up at 3 AM and immediately we feel the heartache and depression that reminds us we are in fact alive. Praising God is what we need to be doing when the back pain makes us miserable and legs and hips hurt and ache when we sit, stand or lay down. We should be praising Him when we dread our "dream" job because, well, nightmares are dreams, too. It is easy to praise God when we see our young child smile and laugh but is it as easy when we know we have an estrangement from another child who barely has spoken to us in 5 years?
When we confidently conquer any challenge in our life, saying "Praise the Lord" flows off our tongue without effort. When we are drowning in self doubt, disappointment and fear, do those words ring true in our heart and roll off our tongues? Is that not when we should be praising Him and praying more? Instead, as the carnage of life piles up, we become more distant and distracted from leaning on Him. Our failures and mistakes cloud our vision.
Heartache, physical pain, depression and disappointments are all part of the package of being human and as I said before, prove we are alive. The fact that we are alive gives us hope, even if it is a speck in an ocean of doubt, fear, worry, stress, and a million other experiences we would rather not face individually, not to mention in unison. Hope should immediately provoke praise that flows freely and more than counters the negative junk we are experiencing.
So (there is my word again), what do we do when everything that happens only complicates the bleak situation and produces more pain, depression, frustration, and uncertainty? In keeping it real, what do we do when the job stinks, finances are scary, and the bitter taste of defeat and failure makes you sick? For me, I am going to praise God, put on my running shoes, and force myself to remember that God loves me when things are good or bad, happy or sad, and that the glint of hope I can see through the fog of life proves that He is not done with me yet.
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