Why me Lord?

I have 2 older sisters. Meg is 10 years older than me and she has a lot of my dad in her. Like Dad, Meg possesses a scary high IQ. I mean if not for an underlying conscious, I likely would have been a son in a family of villainous super geniuses. I can see it now with the Mount Rushmore of Evil Geniuses- Dad, Meg, Wylie Coyote and Dr. Evil. Aside from that, I have always admired Meg’s singing voice. She has rarely shared the gift with the public but her spot on tone and pitch are amazing. I never said much when she was singing because if I did, she would stop. My sister can really sing, even though Bigfoot has been spotted more than she has been heard.

My other Cindy was 15 years older than me. Cindy loved to sing but her vocal range made Johnny Cash seem like Celine Dion. She exercised her 4 ½ note range utilizing the Columbus Method of Singing, that is, find a pitch and land on it. She always reminded us that God said make a joyful noise and I always imagined God smiling when she sang and often thought if a heavenly host sang back up to her. I also imagined they sang quite loudly.

Cindy always took the teasing and kept moving forward. This was quite a feat as she was paralyzed from birth and at the time of her death last July, she may have been the oldest American with spina bifda. One of her favorite songs was Why Me, Lord? I have thought of singing that song but I always defer as it was her song and I am not sure if I could do it justice.

I find myself genuinely asking God, “Why me, Lord?” Why do I feel led to do this blog and potentially open myself to a ministry that I am surely not worthy of doing? I could go through a laundry list of reasons why I am unqualified and unworthy. But, that question is not up to me.

1.     “Why me?” fertilizes the field of doubt. The more I ask that, the more I end up with doubt. Do you notice that the word “I” fills up that last sentence? The truth of the matter is that plans like Zealous Intentions are not possible by my actions.

2.     It is not always about me. Everything I am and everything I have comes from God. So, logic tells me that I should be willing to give back to the One who has provided for me.

3.     “Why NOT me?” must be considered because if God has plans for me, who am I to question His actions and motives? I do have faith that events happen for a purpose.

I fight self doubt ever single day, and sometimes it seems I get punched in the gut by doubt hourly.  But, I pray that God gives me the strength to endure the body shot and push forward. The dry run, prep week is almost over and I am excited to get started.