Bah, bah, bah....humbug

Living in a tourist destination city, I have plenty of time to be stuck in traffic. That means I listen to a lot of talk radio. What I have discerned is that the common person is expected to be a good little lamb. We are to just go along with anything because tolerance has been touted as a must need virtue. When I complained to the condo authorities that I found it repulsive that spring breakers left stool and urine in the elevators, I was told we were to overlook and tolerate them because the city needs their money. When I try to get on the elevators with my kids, I am supposed to overlook the drunken, foul mouthed punks waiting on the elevator. And when I notice graffiti on the doors of the stairwell, one of the smiling suits told me it was "innocent", even though one clearly resembles graffiti attributed to the Crips.

Why do we as Americans tolerate stuff like this? I did a little research and found the combined Democrat and Republican Presidential race in 2012 cost more than $1.7 BILLION. Really? Could at least half of that moey been spent to do something, anything productive? But that would mean these wealthy contributors taking care of actual people and not their own special interests.

Why do Christians just sit and take the dung flung at them? Is it really a "turn the other cheek" activity or is it fear? Are we as Christians not supposed to rock the boat? Are we not to be confrontational? I was accused the other day of being too confrontational because I held drunken college students accountable for their language in front of my kids...at my house!

A few years ago, everyone wore WWJD bracelets. For some reason, people think Jesus was a wimp and was always passive. On the contrary, he was quite radical and confrontational. Ask the money changers he threw out of the Temple. Ask the religious leaders he challenged every day.

Our rights are being challenged daily in a country founded on freedom. Facts and opinions are twisted and torqued to fit the whim of whatever political side is trying to exploit it. Politicians, most of which have never had a real job,  make decions that fit THEIR agenda. The politicians do not care and cannot relate to a normal person.

We, sadly, are like sheep. We follow mindlessly and no one comes up with real solutions. Common sense escaped years ago. Some of us are readily willing to allow illegal behavior and actually rally to show support of ILLEGAL activity.

WWJD? Yes, he would love all people. No, he would not love all behaviors, in fact, he called out certain behaviors. Again, ask the religious leaders if he called them out on certain behaviors and actions.

I just don't get it. I put a post on Facebook telling how almost $2 billion was spent on the Presidential election. That is a travesty. Could one of those busy body supporters have given money to fund the White House tours? I just don't get it, but I plan on being the one sheep bucking the idea of going into the pen. Who is with me?

A rare Saturday off..

0500... I woke up really sore from a workout suggested my sadistic older son JL..I thought I would sneak to the condo's gym just a few doors down. I went Ninja past Mathias' door and headed down, only to realize I had forgotten my phone. As I snuck back into the condo, Mathias greeted me. No workout, but great Mathias time. We played some Playmobil until it was time to wake up the girls to go "yard sale shopping"

We had a huge thunderstorm that slowed us down and we finally made it out of the house.  No real treasures for anyone, except Mathias who charmed his way in a bunch of books for $2.  We ended up hitting a Goodwill Store, catching a nice lunch and finishing window shopping at Old Navy.

What was special enough to blog about today? Simplicity..simple things with my posse made a great day. There was a lot of conversation, lots of laughs ( especially when the kids caused an avalanche of kid books at Goodwill), walking and handholding. I am really into Big Cat Diary, so today was a good day for the Hipes Pride.

For those who do read this, there will be an expansion of the blog life starting tomorrow. I am going to explore Freedom...details tomorrow.

Enjoy the simple things in life. Life is made of more simple moments that we can make magical than supposed "magical moments".. Enjoy life. It is a choice.

Square pegs in round holes

Have you ever tried to force something to work or force something to fit? Around here, my wife says that is just the "Hipes" way just because we may lean our way into rooms, elevators, etc. I prefer the word "lean" over "push" but I am splitting hairs here. The technique works for luggage in a trunk, grocery bags being carried at one time, and other things where the space needed is snug for the object being placed.

Life, especially work, is like this, too. A job may sound great on paper, but once you start working, you see that supervisors may not share your same vision, philosophy, or direction. It happens in social settings, such as clubs and churches, too.

Yeah, I know the world is not Polly Ann-ish and that no situation is perfectly ideal. We juggle the reality of a situation with the "perfect" picture and have to come to a compromise somewhere in between. The real key is how a person deals with that incongruency. If a person is ok with the compromise and rationalizes that the reality of the situation is acceptable, then a person can "keep on keeping on" in that setting. But, if anyone is like me, the incongruency may keep a person up at night and just never "feels right", then a change must be made. I know I often quote Tim Ferriss but once again, it fits:

"Pure hell forces action, but anything less can be endured with enough rationalization."

We all have a lot of square pegs and round holes. I find it funny that people are quick to offer solutions to another person's peg and hole situation. I mean, they have a surplus of pegs but are ready to offer solutions to someone else? Mind your own pegs! And here is how:

1. Realize only YOU have control over YOU. No one MAKES you feel anything; you chose to feel. YOU have situations that you will endure as long as you convince yourself the positive outweighs the negative. Sadly, rationalization proves stronger than courage most of the time. Just sayin'.

2. A situation likely will not change PASSIVELY. Do you really think that the incongruency will correct itself? Think of it logically, if not mathematically--will 50 ever be 30 again? Nada. Nyet. No way. 

3. Action takes courage and usually does better if there is a plan. Do not like your job? Quitting makes sense but having a job lined up makes even more sense. Been there, done that. 

4. YOU live with your decisions. YOU make a choice, and then a consequence follows. Sure, your choice may affect others...but remember number 1 applies to everyone and not just you. 

5. Life on earth is really short. Do you have a dream? Do you see yourself doing something else? Being something else?

Be on the lookout for square holes and round pegs. Do not settle.

I Give Up....and that is how to win

Wow, it has been months since I have blogged. Hmm..let's recap. I have moved again, this time back to Panama City Beach. I have been very under-employed.. I have rarely looked at social media as most of it is not social, but political media. I have been humbled, if not humiliated by the events of life. I have laid pavers on the road of good intentions just to find roadblocks and traffic jams. It has given me too much time for self reflection.

I have been a good dad, and I have been a bad dad. The same could be said for my abilities as a husband, friend, nurse, employer and entrepreneur. I have consistently been a procrastinator and at the same time been a worrier. That's like being a diabetic and having a chocolate feast daily. I have been depressed and I admit in a very, very dark place the last couple of months. I mean a really dark place.

It dawned on me that there has been too much emphasis on "me". Look at the previous 2 paragraphs and you will see more than a dozen references to me. I am making a mess of my life. I have made decisions that have jeopardized my family's stability. Anytime there is that much "I " crap, selfishness rules.

My focus is out of whack. My rabbit ears needs some aluminum foil. Panic attacks began waking me in the middle of the night. I must say, being underemployed sucks. One morning, the scripture in Luke came to me. Luke 12:22-34 has been weighing on my mind a lot. Being the great procrastinator, I have been putting this off with the idea I can make things better. I sit here with the flu and I am publically admitting I am not capable of making anything better. I quit. I surrender.

And I will win! I am giving up the daily grind of life to God. He is not going to let me starve. He provided a job for me that starts in 2 days. I am one day closer to freedom. We all want freedom, whether it's financial freedom, freedom from worry, or freedom to bear arms. Humans desire freedom. I cannot produce freedom, and only God can provide true freedom. I have sadly seen so many Facebook arguments about the existence of God. I know He exists. That defines faith. I pray for those who mock believers. I even read a post where a guy called the disciples "sheep herders". That is expected and although I can make no sense of such comments, that person is free to believe that. I know and admit I have done a lot of terrible things but my faith tells me I am not perfect, yet I am forgiven by grace. Granted, I do not like it when others point out my sins, but they are sins regardless.

I don't know about you, but I want to be free from a lot of stuff. Stuff that gets in my way and stuff that may require supernatural intervention. I desire a true transformation. I guess I am back and I will chronicle my quest for transformation and freedom...Freedom Acquired through Supernatural Transformation.

Fitness vs Weight Loss

Healthcare is a'changin'. The current model of health care will not look anything like the futuristic one. Sure, the model is broken and need fixed but as a provider of healthcare for a great many years, we as Americans should be careful what we wish for.

I do strongly believe that each individual is going to have to be held responsible for their health and wellness. My paradigm reads like this: Health care is ILLNESS driven. You get the flu, poison ivy or bronchitis, you go see a prescribing provider and you get "fixed". You take an expensive antibiotic for 10 days, nasty cough medication and finally feel better after 8 days. In the meantime, you probably will get a nasty diarrhea and make yourself prone to tendon ruptures (a little know side effect you are rarely made aware of, by the way).

In this scenario, do your daily wellness habits ever get mentioned? Do you know how many people I have treated with an awful bronchitis who smoked just before they came into the office? Wellness is not discussed because the prescriber has to hurry to the next patient.I do acknowledge that, as a provider, I am not the absolute model of perfect health due to my weight. But, (and my 'butt' is getting smaller), I am losing and I am fairly fit, take NO medications at all at age 50, and have very few lifestyle factors that are not being actively addressed. Many of my peers do not model good health fitness or wellness.

Which is more important, weight loss or fitness? I am currently looking at a couple of products to enhance my professional practice. Both are decent products and both has reps that are engaging, informative and polished. There is a distinct difference between the products and their programs. One's claim to fame is weight loss. Lots of weight loss. The other has a reputation of helping people become more fit and they end up losing weight. Decisions, decisions, decisions.

What do you see as more important? Weight loss or fitness?? Give me some feedback..

Self Inflicted Nonsense

We had a weekend in which we were traveling quite a bit in the car. When that happens, I usually am a poor planner and we end up eating the dreaded fast food. Yes, I should know better, especially since I made a bold prediction of losing a boat load of weight. There is actually "good news" on that front. I had a couple of body compositions done using different formulas and my absolute lean body weight is 213 pounds. So, unless I amputate body parts, I will not be getting below 200 pounds anytime soon.

On Sunday morning, the exercise ritual began with a lot of aches and pains. The knots in my thighs were so huge and painful and referred pain into my hips. I set out on my bike ride after stretching and moving to get things loosened up a bit.

As I started on the bike, I thought to myself, "You know, the pain is your fault because of your food choices." I could not argue with myself. Everything I was feeling was certainly self inflicted. Self Inflicted NONsense..As I was pedaling, I shortened "self inflicted nonsense" to SIN.

What? SIN? And you know what? Sin is also self inflicted nonsense. Think about it for a second. No one forces us to sin. Take Adam and Eve for instance with the first sins against God. Adam TRIED to blame Eve but Adam was more than well aware of the instructions they had received from God. Adam did it to himself, or self inflicted the act. And, the act was for a nonsensical reason. Adam and Eve LIVED IN PARADISE. and they threw it all away for nothing.

The opportunity for us to sin WILL cross our path. There has not been a person yet who was not faced with sin. It can be a great big sin, or it can be a little, itsy bitsy sin. However, sin IS sin and it is not graded on size.

Now back to my muscle pain..I KNOW that my aches, pains and myofascial problems can be worsened with poor dietary choices. I know that eating with Kings and Clowns will only bring me down. Instead of planning and making a wise choice, I settled for the convenient choice and paid the consequences. I am talking about 20-30 minutes of hard labor with a foam roller and "The Stick" and take it from me, that is no fun.

Choices and consequences go a lot deeper than muscle pain. Kind David, like the rest of us, had a choice when it came to Bathsheeba. He could have walked away, but instead he really made a tangled mess of things. He certainly had consequences to his actions. If a person eats crap, then their legs will hurt and if a person commits a sin, then there will be a consequence and/or a punishment.

You know what is really bad? Chocolate tastes so sinfully good. It lures me in and I indulge only to feel the pain in the muscles and at the scales. Temptation is attractive. If sin was not attractive, we would never fall prey to it. Knowledge sounded good to Adam and Eve. It represented power. Temptation and sin will appeal to us on some level.

How do we deal with Self Inflicted Nonsense? First, we need to RECOGNIZE that it exists. The allure of cupcakes looms in my future and I must recognize that a cupcake will not kill me, but I can assure you that the foam roller will be needed. Next, I must UNDERSTAND my limitations. I know my weaknesses and need to know that I am vulnerable to those weaknesses. And finally, I need to firmly and emphatically say. "NO" because there is too much at stake. Oh, look, to deal with SIN (Self Inflicted Nonsense) a simple strategy is to RUN...sometimes as fast as one can.

On that note, I break in a new pair of running shoes in the morning..

Thought Control

2:15 AM

Somewhere

Someone's mind (maybe yours)

"What am I going to do? What if that job doesn't come through? How am I going to pay the rent? I should have not quit that other job. That was stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. No wonder I am alone. Who would want to be around me? What am I going to do about my weight? My clothes don't fit. I am so weak. Weak and stupid! Now that is a combination..Geez, it is after 2 AM and I am still awake. I bet I oversleep in the morning. What if I miss that interview?....."

Does this happen to you or anyone else you know? This example is Stinking Thinking on Steroids. In the "biz", we call this rumination. I explain it as how a cow chews a cud. Mentally, we chew and chew only to yak it up and chew it all over again. Sure, I have talked about worry on other posts but today, I am searching for empowerment and control.

Thoughts like I described in the beginning of this blog possess power. There is no denying that thoughts like that control a person. The thoughts control a person's rest pattern (up at 2:15 AM), control one's emotions, and eventually will control one's actions and effort. Thoughts can leave a person exhausted, bewildered, frustrated and defeated. All of this arises from thoughts conceived in your own mind. These thoughts are YOUR WORK. And some of you do not think your thoughts count or have power. Humpf, your thoughts can make or break you. Remember that.

Think of it this way: In the example above, the thoughts are holding the person hostage. In other words, those nasty, hateful thoughts are calling the shots in regards to sleep and esteem. As sleep dwindles, so does solid decision making and as decision making falls apart, so does self esteem. Then a poor self esteem builds more worries and soon you are hold on to the horse on the "merry go 'round" of worry and rumination...step right up for another free ride!!!

ENOUGH! This blog has never, and will never, apologize for its Christian base. I do not care if I ever gain more than 12 followers. (I do appreciate you guys that do read me though). Last night, at a local service, a testimony talked about taking thoughts captive. Here are 2 versions of that verse (2 Corinthians 10:5)

2 Corinthians 10:5

Contemporary English Version (CEV)

⁵ and every bit of pride that keeps anyone from knowing God. We capture people’s thoughts and make them obey Christ.

2 Corinthians 10:5

New International Version (NIV)

⁵ We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Wow, instead of our thoughts holding us hostage, we are instructed here to take the thoughts captive and make THEM obedient to Christ. I think it was bold of Paul to put it this way. Remember, in his day, every time a nation was overtaken, the survivors became captive slaves. I would think that being held captive was a particularly frightening reality. By informing us that we had the right and obligation to take those nasty thought and put them away, Paul educates Christians then and now not to tolerate crappy thoughts any longer.

What thoughts can we hold captive? Of course we can hold those sinful thoughts captive and get them out of our thinking pattern. You know the ones I am talking about-the ones that you feel ashamed that you have but they keep coming back anyways. Paul also means any thought provided by the enemy that makes a person feel less than how God intended you to be. I have heard it said, "God does not make junk".

Earlier I told you to remember that your thoughts can make or break you. I am sure you all acknowledged times in your life where your thoughts broke you down and defeated you. But, if you agree that thoughts can BREAK you, then you must accept that thoughts can MAKE YOU. THOUGHTS CAN MAKE YOU. It is as simple as ABC--To achieive, you must believe what you conceive.

I am begging to be a big believer in affirmations. You must believe that you are unique and special. Those of you that really know me understand if I was there with you, I would reaffirm that you are special and have wonderful, God given and blessed traits. I still fall prey to the thinking at the beginning of the blog. I talk to myself in these blogs as much as I do to anyone else. So, take those nasty thoughts, lock them up and beat them down if the resist.

Life is a Bycycle Ride

Sunday, October 28, 2012
0430

This is the time I started my Sunday morning ride. I am really fortunate that the young man who lives with us part time has a great bike he lets me use. I thought I had died and gone to heaven the first time I rode his Trek because all I had ever ridden were discount bikes. Heck, the cost of all my bikes together MIGHT buy a new tire for his Trek. I have been rediscovering the joy and exercise of riding a bike for a few weeks now. This morning, the plan was to ride 30 miles as I completed 25 miles last Sunday.

I go outside, turn my headlight on and my blinking seat and take out on my journey. Tropical storm Sandy, even though she is on the East Coast, provided us with the winds and gusts down here in South West Florida. I will be honest, about 3 miles into the trip, I was ready to turn around and call a 6 day trip a success. As I rationalized this lame decision, a still, small voice in my head said, "Go ahead; you always take the easy way out eventually."

I did the entire 30 miles as I planned. I fought headwinds, rejoiced in tail winds, and had an great workout. As I rode, I was enlightened on how a bike ride mimics life. This is what I came up with as I peddled a long way from home.

Sometimes, the trip of life is hard. As I peddled and ran into a strong gust of wind, my stroke would slow down, my legs would burn and I would slow down to a snail's pace. There I was, putting forth a good effort when the wind hit me and made me miserable. I was going nowhere and the sustained, leg burning effort started to become frustrating. Life does this, too. You get up, put in the same effort you did the last day of your "Groundhog's Day" life, and a gust of life hits you in the face.

Maybe it is the car giving you troubles. Maybe your kid has temporarily lost their mind and made a choice that makes no sense but affects your life. I can tell you from personal experience, a bike ride burns my legs, but life burns me somewhere a little more sensitive.

Sometimes, you have to change gears. Bad days require extra effort to say the least. In life, we find ourselves grinding it out during those terrible moments. Ever had a migraine headache and no sick days? Days like that make you gut one out for the team. A person just gears down and pushes through the obstacle or mountain life has thrown. On the other hand, when things are going great, jump into that higher gear and things really begin t take off for you.

Sometimes, you can coast. Slow down and smell the roses. The day is going well and you have some extra time, money or energy (Or on a special day, all 3). Coasting on a bike allows you to cover ground and not exert any energy to do it. I do not coast much as I am trying to use biking for exercise, but there are benefits when I do. First of all, I use a coast to stand up and get out of the saddle. My butt tends to like coasting. Secondly, I can really focus in on the scenery around me when I am coasting. For me, I ride in the dark and I never get tired of looking at the stars and the sky. Coasting in life allows one to take the pressure off on those things that are pains in your butt (see, I said bike riding and life are the same!)

If you give up before your final destination, you will never get there. Many times, the head winds of life cause us to give up on our dreams. It becomes too hard, the mountain  too steep and the ride of life consumes too much energy. Instead of getting through the situation, we merely come out of the saddle and give up. I see 2 reasons to come out of the saddle. You can either come out just before you quit, or you can come out to put some real power in the stroke. It is easy to give up and takes courage to keep on going, even when it looks bleak and tiring.

So we know life is a highway (which has run through my mind since this idea came to me). Push through and look forward to coasting.

Diggin up Bones

You ever known a kid who absolutely struggles with school? This kid aces the academics but cannot handle the social aspects. It is a guy who is so painfully shy that it becomes obvious as nervousness overcomes him. He gets tongue tied, he gets sweaty and anxious, and physically he becomes a wreck. His reaction to stress, which may be as minor as talking to a girl, causes others to take notice and laugh or poke fun at him. As a result, the boy stays far away from all dances and bonfires. He defines "socially awkward".

I was that guy. I can still remember girls laughing and poking fun at me just to see me blush or sweat. And, believe me, I can name names if I need to as I certainly have not forgotten the pain. When the rest of my friends were dating, I shot free throws in my driveway. As a result, after a period of warm up, I can still ht between 5-8 BACKWARD free throws. This is a skill without a lot of applicability in life, however.

I finally and slowly overcame shyness. I have devoted a lifetime and a career helping people to the best of my ability. I have spent a lifetime helping people seek out their inner beauty when they do not see it through the veil of life's pain. Most days, I do not even think about the painful past, but I have to admit I really have no desire to do anything associated with former high school "buddies".

Last night, out of the blue, I was insulted on a social media site. Someone from "those days" inferred that I was never and would never be attractive. OK, I can see that evidence in the mirror, but this person has no idea what my inner attractiveness may be. You see, they did not speak to me back then to assess the "real" me and they have no idea what makes me tick today. I guess I did not let this water run off my back like I normally do. In some of the settings in which I have worked (prison, state hospitals) I have been called some pretty inventive names. But, last night some bones were dug up close to Halloween.

How do we deal with stuff like that when it arises?

1. Avoid the primal response. As I re-read the comment made the second time (the first time I was shocked and did not absorb it all), my mind conjured up some not so nice quick responses that most would admit they would entertain. What good would that response do? None. Instead, I simply mentioned that I did not appreciate an insult that apparently aged like cheese for 30 years.

2. Understand that people will always be critical. It does not matter how much I feel I have helped people and how I think my life's work matters to mankind, man (or woman) possess individual agendas and motives that are in no way connected to me. Expressing them, I suppose, is cheaper than the therapy they may need.

3. "To thine own self, be true". My life continues despite someone's opinion. Yes, I look back at the experiences from middle and high school with great disdain. To me, it is like thinking about last year's stomach flu. I am glad its over and never want to experience it again.

I would be a liar if I said the comment did not bother me. It did cost me a few minutes of sleep.This morning, it motivates me to look deeper inside myself and really see what I am. Things, big or small, helpful or hurtful, happen for a reason.

Less weight=less depresion

I have put my big mouth to the test and have made a public challenge to lose 100 pounds. I know, what was I thinking? No more cakes and pies. No more "good stuff" that makes me feel so bad. Ugh. Another one of those things in life that a person has to give up, even if they enjoy it.

In order to try and keep myself motivated, I thought I would look at the reasons I decided to to this. I have worked most of my life in the mental health field. I have seen thousands of people suffer from depression. Since I have been a nurse since 1986, I have seen thousands and thousands of people who suffered from obesity. I see this one guy every single day. He looks back at me from the mirror. Do not tell him, but I noticed he has a bit of a growing bald spot too.

Are depression and obesity related? For this, I went to the medical literature data base called "Pubmed". I am not an affiliate and I do not get a penny from them, but this is my "go to" site for information. The search alone for "obesity depression" landed 3458 references. That tells me there MIGHT be an association of the two.

A study is cited from the Finnish Research Center for Sport and Health Science. The abstract looks at the presence of low grade inflammation and depression as it pertains to ABDOMINAL FAT. Seriously, are there two more horrible words than "ABDOMINAL FAT"? Call me any name you want, just do not call me "Abdominal Fat". The study supports that the two evil doers (inflammation and depression) put a guy at more risk to develop "AF". I cannot help but digress a bit more down the road as it reminds me of the movie "Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid", when Steve Martin hears "cleaning woman"...

Abdominal fat leads to even more medical problems as it has been linked to increased incidence of diabetes and cardiac disease. But, the good news is found in Pubmed. The following is from an abstract found in the American Journal of Psychiatry September 2011 edition (hey, see, I bring you the BEST information)

"The association of depressive symptoms with subsequent inflammation levels was eliminated after adjustment for health behaviors associated with depression-physical inactivity, smoking, and higher body mass index."

So, in other words, if a body gets physically fit, then depression will have the possibility to improve. Depression affects the lives of so many on so many levels. Anything that helps battle depression makes a difference. Now, I changed my search criteria just a bit. I did a search for "childhood obesity". Sadly, it registered 7921 hits. We often hear about the impact now and the future impact of childhood obesity. Considering what we covered in this blog, realize that depression will have a great foothold on our future as a country.

I know it is election time and we are forced to listen to all of the politicians spout off the thought of the day. We can take control of healthcare by taking it on one person at a time and go after obesity with a vengeance. I will help you. I am not one of those skinny people who preach about the evils of obesity. I live with the disease daily and am fighting it pretty hard these day.

I hope this educates one person.

John

3 Ways to Combat Disappointment

I have an idea for a great vacation. I want to go to Vancouver Island and spend a week hiking and camping in the woods looking for Bigfoot. I want to do the night hikes, the calls, the wood knocking and spend time kayaking around the island. To me, this sounds like an amazing adventure. To my surprise, when I mention this plan to my wife Denise, she politely listens and then says in a calm, quiet manner, "No." It does not sound like much fun to her and she is sure the kids would not like it either. And after reflection, I am not sure how I would deal with the 50 pounds of cheese we would need to go with all the "whine" Denise, Madi and Mathias would be serving. My point is, even though it seemed perfect to me (still does BTW), my vision was not shared by my family.

Daily I talk to people who are disappointed. They are disappointed in themselves or they are disappointed in someone else. Many times, this disappointment leads to arguments, tears and sadly, bloodshed. When people are disappointed, they feel let down, betrayed or ignored. I never claimed to be a genius, but being let down, betrayed and ignored do not rank highly on the ways people want to feel. Now, utilizing my familiar Stooges Rule (3 things or bullet points to a topic), I will share 3 ways to combat disappointment.

1. Do NOT place your dreams, ideas or expectations on someone else's behavior. My idea of a vacation is not shared as fun or worthwhile. Have you ever heard anyone say, "I did not like the way they treated me at that party."? The person slighted them or maybe poked fun of them in front of someone they were hoping to impress. The slighted person gets angry and hurt because they thought the other person was their friend or had their back. What happened is that a person became hurt over the actions of another they could not control. You want your kid to be a brain surgeon? All parents want their kids to succeed but remember that some kids want to be the best starving artist they can be. In other words, do not define another person's success based on your standards. If you have underaged children, of course this doe not fully apply: they will do as you say, when you say...(sarcasm intended)

2. Make sure your vision is not clouded. Perception can be seriously impacted by cloudy or foggy conditions. This is where I ask you to stretch your comfort zone. Our cloudy vision often occurs without out knowledge. Years and years of experiences-some good, some bad- lead to conclusions that we rarely challenge. For years, I assumed that the Bible says a person will go to Hell if they commit suicide. That statement is nowhere to be found in the Holy Bible. People feel that network marketing is an illegal pyramid scheme but the truth is a few bad business apples have ruined the perception of the industry. I personally know some very genuine people who are living a dream lifestyle helping others. Open your mind to possibilities as long as those possibilities are legal, ethical and moral. I also recommend that the ideas also fall in line with your core spiritual values.

3. DO NOT accept expectations placed on you that are not in YOUR interest. People want to control other people. It is human nature. Anxiety rises when a person tries to meet the expectations of another that they just cannot meet. Insecurity begins to blossom and then all of a sudden, a person has a bumper crop of insecurity. Again, the boundaries must be defined by ethics, legality and morality. As Billy Shakes said, "To thine own self be true." Strive to meet your OWN expectations. If others do not like this approach, they need to read #1.

Today, you will either place an expectation on yourself or someone else. Chances are, an expectation or two may not be met. It is not the end of the world. It is merely a new staring point. Success has more than one path and surely more than one definition.

Good or bad, happy or sad..

Psalm 42 :11 "Why am I discouraged?
                          Why am I restless?
                                                    I trust you!
                          And I will praise you again
                                                        because you help me,
                                                        and you are my God. 

The last post disclosed my favorite professional catch phrases that I tend to use, and sometimes, over use. As a Christian, I believe we have "catch phrases" that roll off out tongue without any deep thought or consideration. Sadly, one of those may be "praise the Lord".

If any of you have ever seen the movie "Facing the Giants", you will recall when the Cinderella high school team lost a heartbreaking game, the coach told his players to praise God in defeat just as they would in victory. And, as the movie goes, an amazing second chance happened for the team and the loss did not count. The movie had a happy ending, just as one would expect from a Christian based film. I believe with all of my being that because I am a Christian, there will be a happy ending for me in eternity. It is the basic foundation of my Faith.

As humans, we struggle with a lot of plot twists in route to our happy ending. Sure, it is easy and natural to praise God when we are scoring touchdowns and much harder to do when we fumble in life or when we fall short. It is easy to praise Him when the day is going great and much more difficult to do when we wake up at 3 AM and immediately we feel the heartache and depression that reminds us we are in fact alive. Praising God is what we need to be doing when the back pain makes us miserable and legs and hips hurt and ache when we sit, stand or lay down. We should be praising Him when we dread our "dream" job because, well, nightmares are dreams, too. It is easy to praise God when we see our young child smile and laugh but is it as easy when we know we have an estrangement from another child who barely has spoken to us in 5 years? 

When we confidently conquer any challenge in our life, saying "Praise the Lord" flows off our tongue without effort. When we are drowning in self doubt, disappointment and fear, do those words ring true in our heart and roll off our tongues? Is that not when we should be praising  Him and praying more? Instead, as the carnage of life piles up, we become more distant and distracted from leaning on Him. Our failures and mistakes cloud our vision.

Heartache, physical pain, depression and disappointments are all part of the package of being human and as I said before, prove we are alive. The fact that we are alive gives us hope, even if it is a speck in an ocean of doubt, fear, worry, stress, and a million other experiences we would rather not face individually, not to mention in unison. Hope should immediately provoke praise that flows freely and more than counters the negative junk we are experiencing.

So (there is my word again), what do we do when everything that happens only complicates the bleak situation and produces more pain, depression, frustration, and uncertainty? In keeping it real, what do we do when the job stinks, finances are scary, and the bitter taste of defeat and failure makes you sick? For me, I am going to praise God, put on my running shoes, and force myself to remember that God loves me when things are good or bad, happy or sad, and that the glint of hope I can see through the fog of life proves that He is not done with me yet.

My top 4 "professional" catch phrases

I never realized that I in fact had certain catch phrases. I am constantly trying to improve my professional skills so I pay attention and analyze my choice of words. One habit I am working on is the overuse of "so". I use it to continue professional assessments and continue the flow of a conversation. I really over use "so" and that is a focal point of my continual quality improvement. So (doh!) that being said, I have also discovered I have 4 catch phrases I use pretty frequently. Additionally, I mockingly use one of Dr. Phil's (BTW, not a fan).."How's that working for ya?"

"It is what it is.". Ah, I really like this one and it was introduced to me by one of my friends. Then, I went to work in corrections and I found that it is used all the time by everyone. For me, I think the phrase means that you are given a situation and you must take it at face value.  Eckhart Tolle, a respected teacher and author, wrote "Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you have chosen it.". Both phrases have the same inherent meaning. Take a situation for what it is and then, if you want to change it, do something to force a change. "It is what it is" does not allow for a person to assume the role of a victim. It merely assesses that new starting point of a situation that requires attention. For instance (I had to erase "so"), my tire goes flat on the truck. I hate it, but "it is what it is" and I make a plan to fix the tire.


"How do you eat an elephant?" Of course the answer is one bite at a time. I see a great number of people that have excessive and uncontrollable worry and stress. They want to conquer the world and wanted to do that 3 days ago. Don't get me wrong, I think setting goals is a great thing but people (including me) have to be patient and take the goal in smaller steps. Break down the big goal (elephant) and break it down into 'bite-sized' portions. This also brings me in a first runner up of Hipes Catch Phrases by using "Inch by inch is a cinch and yard by yard it's hard."

Perception is reality. If I think that the weather is too hot, there will be someone who thinks it is too cool. Although I know they are wrong, I must admit that, to them, it is too cold. Each of us sees a situation in a different light. Again, I see this in my professional work when a person may acknowledge the countless faults of their spouse, but dismiss them and feel that their spouse is perfect for them. I canot convince you that my perception is your reality.

Limits exist only in the mind. This one has been on my mind a lot since I challenged myself to lose 100 pounds in 100 days.Wow did that bring the people out of the woodwork telling me that it was unsafe and impossible without risking my health. My morbid obesity threatens my health everyday and how many people has gastric bypass yearly? In the 1950s, it was believed that no one could run a mile under 4 minutes.Cars were not supposed to catch on either, as well as planes and computers. WE place limits on our lives and situations. My God knows know limits. Nothing has been too big for God. I am indeed focused on making it to 100 pounds in 100 days.


Do any of you have any catch phrases? Do you have any words you just use too much?

You have done it now!

I write a blog to rid my mind of the many thoughts that bounce around in there. I write my blog to help anyone that I can. I am, by nature, a nurturer. I have belonged to the sisterhood of nursing since 1986. Honestly, I think I would love to stop being a nurturer but unsure if I can do that.

In the last 10 years, I have met and talked to some people who have made me think deeply. Some of those people have been those I was supposed to help and bless but they helped and blessed me. Some have been co-workers who have expand my ability to see a situation. And a couple have been higher profile individuals who remain pretty real despite their success. Two, in particular, encourage others to seek their passion and the money will follow. In a sense, if you do what you really love, then the rest will take care of itself. They proclaim that if you are making a living doing something you love and would ordinarily do because it is fun, then work will not seem like work. Paul Finck and Annie Armen are motivators with different styles--like Sanchez and Tebow. I know, the Jets are not having a great year but both qbs have been successful and both are different.

Now I have gone and done it. Not by comparing Paul to Sanchez and Annie to Tebow, but by sitting here and typing this, I am finally jumping off into the deep end of the pool. My LIFE, PROFESSION and REPUTATION are at stake.

I posted this on Facebook a second ago:

Some of you know, I dabble in a blog. Yesterday, I shared some views about accountability strategies for changes we want in our life. Little did I know that Mathias would have an epically horrible day at school yesterday. Both Denise and I know he will struggle throughout his life with behavior and with his weight. Funny how one can locate one's inner hypocrite during quiet reflection. I am going out on a branch of the limb of the tree that I am not sure can support me. In a sense, I am yelling from the mountaintop that NOW is the time I begin a serious battle against my personal obesity because I am a walking and talking hypocrite to a little boy who will be nagged, monitored and chastised for his weight. January 18 will be a Friday and is 100 days away. I will weigh 100 pounds less than I do 
 now.

Sure the goal sounds like a bit much. I will separate the chaff from the wheat and see who are my real supporters and those who, well, aren't. How does my challenge apply to my passion? If you ever want bored for hours, let me sit and talk to you about fitness, health, and exercise. I am the mega-nerd when it comes to that stuff. Geez, I got a 100% on my nutrition final in college, a sad but true statement. During these 100 days, I am viewing myself as my own client and I am aiming to seek completing of the American Council of Exercise (ACE) certification as a Health Coach. THAT is my professional passion. That is where I feel I have been given gifts.

So, now, I sit back and see who stands with me and who does not.

Accountability WIth a Twist

No one could ever accuse me of seeing the world in a cookie cutter way. If the first step is acknowledgement, then I accept that I am not right, or as they say back home, "I ain't right.". Even though I am a bubble and a half off plumb, I need goals and I certainly need accountability.

I possess an advanced degree in procrastination. It took me a while to get that degree as I kept putting off the work. In a sense, that caused me to receive the degree with honors. Obviously, it comes into play in meeting any business dream I might have. I could go on and bore you with hours of details showing how I have put off doing things. Why do I put things off like I do? I am not totally sure. Maybe part of me enjoys misery, stress and worry. I am certain that fear puts me down all the time. Yesterday, the Biblical parable of the servants and talents hit me like a ton of bricks. FEAR kept the one servant from investing or taking care of the 'talent' (asset) that the master gave to him. FEAR led him to be called "lazy" and, as the CEV states, "good for nothing". If any of you are like me and fight esteem issues, the last thing I need is my prowess of procrastination prompting someone to call me 'lazy'.

I am a great dreamer and goal setter. I find following through difficult because of fear and some other things. I have brainstormed a few unique ways to encourage accountability.

1. Tell others your goal. I do not mean just write it down in a journal (a great idea, by the way). I mean yell it from the mountaintops, or better yet, post it on the modern day mountain tops-Facebook and/or Twitter. Lay it out there. See who the supporters are in your life and weed out the haters. If your dream or goal means that much to you and you add in your post a simple "why" statement, then your true friends and supporters will be unable to at least click "like". Silence speaks volumes and those who do not respond are merely nosey and not what you need.

2. Use your common SENSE(S) This is where it gets unique to the inner workings of my mind. Senses guide our life and much of this guidance is done without any conscious thought. You smell and see the "HOT NOW" sign on the Krispy Kreme store and your mouth and stomach get the message immediately. Why not use that sense recognition for good?

Let's look at a "body" goal. People have used motivational pictures of how they want to look for years and visualization has long been encouraged. The sense of sight helps out here in the quest for the beach worthy body. How about smell? One could easily keep a bottle of coconut scented tanning oil nearby so a quick snort could keep them on track. Sense of sound is included with simple affirmations repeated that one finds encouraging. The sense of taste proves a little trickier. Sure, a mouth full of sand would prompt visions of the beach, but instead, savoring and enjoying the tastes of healthy food. If you do not find healthy food attractive, I know a way to change that..And finally, the sense of touch. I see this one with huge potential. How about a simple band around your wrist? You feel it and that could hold you accountable when after that dang brownie jumped right into your hand. I have heard of people shaving their heads as a reminder that they need to be focused.

There you have it. A couple simple ways to help with accountability. There are other, more traditional ways, like finding an accountability partner and the aforementioned journaling. In a couple of days, I am putting this to the test in a very public way.

Ready, set ACTION

Roll up your sleeves, tighten your belt and take a big snort of ammonia, it is time to get things started. You and I want change, but not change for change sake. We want a defined change and we want that change to redefine our life. Since we want the change, then all we have to do is say "poof" and it will happen. OK, that was far fetched a bit so all we have to do is pray about it and God will make it happen. Again, God is not a Genie in a bottle nor is He Santa Claus. Well, dang, the easy, no sweat ways won't work so how do we take action.

By now, you know I like things that run in threes--Stooges, strikes, Musketeers, etc. As for taking action, yep, I have got a 3 step plan.

DREAM
All good action plans begin with a dream. I find that people (including me) tend to dream way to small. The best part of a dream is that it can be huge. There should be no limits to a dream. Take for instance a bench press. Let's say that you have 100 workouts in a year and you start at a reasonable weight. In most gyms or the weights sold in stores, the smallest weights available are 2.5 pounds. The weight you select is easy enough to do 10 times without much effort. Every other workout, you put the weight equivalent to a sack of sugar on the bar. In other words, you will add 5 pounds every other workout (or 50 workouts) in a year. In theory, that would yield a 250 pound increase. Now some of you are screaming, "John that is not possible." I ask you to tell me why it is impossible. What if you only reached half that amount a year (125 pound increase) and you did this for 2 years (the same impossible weight in 2 years). Again, even if you only met that by 50% you will still have a 190 pound increase in 2 years. I have heard people say "shoot for the stars and you may still hit the moon". Do not suppress your dreams. And write them down. We will learn how to use that against you later.

GOALS
From dreams come goals. I see goals as the stepping stones to reach your dreams. Setting goals deserves a full blog to do it justice. Goals must be small, measurable and obtainable and once they are reached, can serve as a springboard for the next goal. The old adage "Inch by inch is a cinch and yard by yard is hard" fits here. Maybe the goal is to read your Bible 10 minutes a day. This may seem like an insurmountable goal but build on what you can do. For instance, maybe it is read a chapter a day and increase a chapter every week. It will be no time that you are reading those 10 minutes or more. I had a patient once that said she could not get out of bed in the morning. She started by setting the alarm and forcing herself to walk out of the bedroom. Sure, for a week or so she immediately crashed on the couch but she applied the same approach and eventually found herself walking to the mailbox. Her "dream" is to walk with her husband in the mornings and she is a lot closer than she was in the beginning.

RESOLVE
Good ol' Stonewall Jackson comes in again to save the day. As mentioned in previous entries, I do like me some Stonewall. "Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve". This sort of explains New Years Resolutions. We START with the dream and the goal, and then resolve to make the change. For me, they usually last until about 9pm New Year's Day. Resolve takes, well, resolve. Resolving to change takes hard work and dare I say, accountability. Accountability requires creativity and the next blog will show some creative ways that I plan on injecting accountability into my life.

What are your dreams? Can you manufacture goals to reach them? Then what are you willing to do to reach your dreams (that is where we get stuck)

It's easy as A B C..lifestyle, that is.,,

I am channeling my young, inner Mike Jackson here and going to simplify my approach to a healthy life style. The framework for my "being" is defined by this blog. A person has 4 distinct dimensions: Heart, soul, mind, and body. The simple ABCs will be applied to each of the dimensions. All that discussion is gravy so let's get to the meat and potatoes of today, which is the ABC.

A lifestyle change is a big deal. Heck, just about any change more involved than changing underwear can be a big deal. Change, or the process of change, alters life. When a young 18 year old goes off to college and is introduced to freedom, they end up dancing on a table wearing a lampshade. When a young couple gets married and have to live with another person and share the same bathroom, that change affects them. True change in a young marriage comes when the passing of gas flows freely without inhibition between the 2 parties.

I digress. It is suffice to say without any more flatus innuendos that change of any kind needs a plan or format. We all learned our ABCs at an early age. We can usually remember our ABCs. I will take advantage of that and explain the needed parts of a lifestyle change.

A. "A" is for the Action that is required. For instance, the Body Dimension requires action in the form of activity in order to thrive. Action makes things happen. Things happening result in change. There are certainly barriers to action, like fear, low self esteem or a lack of confidence.

B. "B" is for the Balance needed to keep the peace. Just like Yin and Yang, Scooby and Shaggy, and Peace and Quiet, there must be a balance in a lifestyle. Too much emphasis in one of the 4 dimensions means that another dimension will suffer. Then your dimension will look like one of those guys in the gym who have bench pressed heavily for years but the thought the squat rack was for decoration. The "upper body giants" look ridiculous when they wear shorts. Zoiks!!

C. "C" means Consistency. I can raise my hand and say AMEN when I talk about the previous inconsistent changes I have made in my life. I have been consistently inconsistent in regards to diet, exercise and a million other projects.Consistency, when done appropriately, naturally builds in accountability.

See, as easy as ABC..I will resist the Michael Jackson puns I could throw out there. In upcoming blogs, I will dig deeper into the application of the ABCs.

The diet is coming, the diet is coming

I know, this title makes me sound like Paul Revere or maybe Chicken Little. And the title might be a bit misleading as it should be more about "lifestyle" than diet, but "the lifestyle is coming" is way too long and may provoke a million other controversial thoughts that I really don't need right now. To make one thing clear, I am not Chicken Little. I might better depict "Chicken Fat", and some of you my age might remember that exercise album they played in school.

I do have a great Chicken Fat story. I started out as a PE major at WVU and had a class called "Elementary Rhythm and Games" in which college students played tag, redlight/green light and the dreaded Chicken Fat song. Once an elderly man was walking past our class and loudly protested that higher education was a waste.

Now that the intent and title have been clarified, let me tell you the WHY a lifestyle change is in store.

REASON 1: Change is growth. My household is about to undergo a huge change. My wife is re-entering the workforce.  I will put aside all the reasons I need therapy for this and focus on the fact it can potentially help our finances and God placed an opportunity in front of her. Life around here will change and I need to change with it. This change may be the boost I need to get my ever growing butt into gear literally and figuratively. I will not disclose ALL my thoughts here as that will rob me of future blog material. All I can say is do not be surprise and be very afraid.

REASON 2: Reality. Height and weight charts do not lie. I can rationalize all day long but the reality is I am way too large. I did pray for a growth spurt last night and hoped to awaken at a little over 8 feet tall but that did not happen. Also, my frame is what it is. I know the truth of my frame size. It is time to accept the height and weight chart and do what it takes to get to that weight range. Also, recently I met a cardiovascular surgeon who gave up surgery to help people change their lives. We had a nice discussion but I could the excitement in his eyes as he was mentaly doing my open heart surgery. It is time for a change.

REASON 3: Do what I say. For the love of Pete, I am a nurse practitioner with a strong background in exercise and exercise physiology. I read Muscle and Fitness when it was in black and white. I have read countless, boring exercise and fitness sources FOR FUN. I have a huge knowledge base and I seem to hide it pretty well. It is as hidden as my abs.

Are there others like me? Statistics say yes. My observations say yes as well as I find myself quietly comparing my girth to others I see. I sincerely want to help them. I know where they are and how they feel. I first must "walk the walk" if I want others to get healthy.

And by initially announcing this on a blog, I am risking public humiliation and accountability. But, on the other hand, not too many read my ramblings. Yet.. there is so much more to come.

Give up or give in

Remember the story of Elijah and the widow? Elijah instructed a poor widow to make him some bread. It seemed like a simple request but for this widow, the request was more than she could imagine. A drought had absolutely ravaged the land and food, flour and oil were scarce. The widow had done all she could do with what she had and sadly had resigned that she and her son would die.

I cannot imagine what her life was like a few days or even a few weeks before the fateful day in which she knew she would die. She would prepare a last piece of bread and she and her son would die soon thereafter. I am sure she prayed and worried and held out hope that something amazing would happen. I bet the morning she thought would be her last broke her heart. She undoubtedly looked at her son and wondered what would his life have been like if her husband had not died and if the drought had not ruined the land.

Then Elijah shows up and asks her to do something impossible. Up to the moment that Elijah insisted, the widow had a choice. This choice would change her life forever.

She could either 'give up' and die or 'give in (to God)' and live a life that would forever be immortalized by a Biblical account. The "woman who never ran out of oil" had a living testimony the rest of her life.

God asks us to give everything to Him. We are to praise Him when things are great and we are to praise Him when things are really...crappy. In addition to praise, we are to give Him our worries, troubles and concerns. If you grow up in Appalachia like I did, you will hear a million times to leave whatever bugs you "at the foot of the cross."

But why does it happen that we just 'give up' sometimes? Frustrations grow and multiply to the point it clouds our vision and we take our eyes of Him. Despair breeds hopelessness and hopelessness causes us to lose all expectation of a miracle or a higher calling.

Giving in and giving it all to God takes courage and faith. When we are weak, He is strong. When we cannot take anymore, He is willing to do what we need. Our stressors are well within the ability of God to handle. We just have to remember that and remind others when they are feeling overwhelmed.

Just Breathe

"Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table"

These lyrics come from Anna Nalick's song Just Breathe (2AM). It has been a very long time since I blogged. The last entry occurred just prior to an event that I looked forward to more than just about anything and that event ended up full of heartache and disappointment. That experience led to a deep fog covering me and my entire being. Sadness, professional disenchantment, bills, financial worries, IEP meetings, aches, pains, illness, weight gain, and a million other things began weighing me down. Yesterday, I had no idea that I would write a blog today because I had the MOAM--Mother of All Migraines. In fact my head is still sore.

I awakened to a dream that I had stopped by a gas station and bought three, big juicy taquitos. Oh, momma did they look good. When I awakened, I decided I had a choice. I could lie in bed and fight sleep wishing I could get another 5 minutes, or I could get up and restart my running. I have just gotten gotten over an ugly URI so stopping running was not one of conscious decisions of withdrawal that I have been prone to the last couple of months. I laced up the old running shoes (which by the way are as broken down as I am but I don't see a new pair of shoes in my budget anytime soon) and started a new 10K program.

That is when I heard Ms. Nalick's song. Granted, I do not get out much and I do not listen to the radio often so even though it is a critically acclaimed song, it was new to me.

We really cannot jump the tracks. We head down the track of life and the only thing we have control over is the speed of our journey. The hourglass is glued to the table but each grain of sand is precious and has enormous potential. I have sat by and watched too many grains just fall into the heap of used moments. Sure, I would like to slow down the trickle of sand. 

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

 Later in the song, Ms. Nalick does it gain by adding perspective to those like me who "what if" themselves to death. Even though the song is not a 'chipper' song, I took comfort in the fact that I am not be alone. Funny thing, I advise others all day long on how to gain perspective in their world yet the fog clouds my own vision.

My mental state reminds me of Fargo in the spring when the ground is still covered with snow, the road is wet, but not frozen and the sky is gray from fog. It can be best described as gloomy with a chance of the sun sneaking through the fog. The air was always so incredibly fresh and pleasant. Looking back, I loved those days in Fargo and some of my best running occurred on days like that.

I really do firmly believe that God has things in store for me. I admit, the fog of uncertainty, self doubt and worry still cover my landscape. At least for this moment, I am focused on my cable car headed down the track and I vow to enjoy the view today.