The Pain of Suicide

The old classic television show MASH opened up with an instrumental song. Some may not know the song is titled “Suicide is Painless”.  Few things could be further from the truth. Later in the song, it says, “it (suicide) brings on many changes” and that understates the effect of suicide. I have interviewed countless individuals contemplating suicide. Some were early in the process of thinking about it and others not only had a plan for suicide, but back up PLANS as well. Some have had the thought quickly pass through their mind and others have thought of nothing else for a very long time.

THE PERSON

People who contemplate and commit suicide rarely do so when everything is absolutely perfect. Usually, they are enduring pain of some type, and it can be physical, emotional, spiritual or psychological. This agony strips hope, faith and belief that things can get better. Many feel that have exhausted all possible solutions and remedies and that the only way they can escape from the agony of life is through death. To them, death stops the pain and a stoppage of pain means healing. Before you think I have lost my mind, put on your empathy shoes and look at it from another perspective. Individuals with painful terminal cancer sometimes suffer from pain more than the medications can control. They know they will lose the battle with cancer. Every battle has outcomes. One either wins, loses, draws or surrenders. To them, they are “healed” from the pain after death. The suffering (for them) has ended.

To say, for the person, that suicide is painless makes little sense. I cannot image the agony they go through as they weigh the pros and cons of taking their life. The person considering suicide sometimes has no way of knowing details about friends or family members. How many people have committed suicide in the morning without knowing their spouse found out they were expecting their first child that afternoon?

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

No matter how much a person has rationalized that suicide is acceptable, rarely family and friends will completely embrace that decision. Spouses are forced to endure as a single parent. Mothers and fathers must deal with the reality that the child they saw come into this world left abruptly. No matter how old a child becomes, a parent still will look at that child sometimes and see them dressed as a princess or a firefighter as they did when they were kids playing make believe. So, as a parent, no, I could not accept the decision of one of my children committing suicide. It would be beyond devastating. The abrupt nature of suicide stinks, especially if you had a relationship with them. 

Believe me, you will continually wonder what you could have done and why didn’t they just talk to me. Pain exists for family and friends and that pain lingers for a long time. I think that is one reason why suicide tends to run in families. A patterns and cycle of pain without a break in the cycle leads to suicide after suicide.

SITUATION

Can a situation have pain? I believe I can make an argument personifying a situation. Imagine a family reunion after a suicide. Do you think that there will be an overhanging cloud of pain darkening the festivities? Do you think some family will skip the reunion in order to avoid the pain? Does suicide affect a nurse practitioner who has spent hours getting to know and treating someone to find out they committed suicide after the NP moved to another state? Yes, the situation creates a self discussion debating whether it is even worth continuing in the profession. And yes, news like that does hurt deeply.

I read somewhere years ago while preparing for a speaking engagement that suicide end up impacting 10 people in a manner that seriously impacts the rest of their lives. After I read that, I began making mental notes of what I saw in reality, and I believe that figure rings true. Sadly, the initial suicide may start a cycle of suicide and the number of those involved grows exponentially.