The NUMBER ONE KEY to Friendship

Of all the resources and all the blogs, the fate of the Universe and the ONE thing that a friend MUST do will be revealed here today. There have been countless greeting cards, books and TV movies that depict what makes a great friend. I know, there have been many catchy tunes that have revealed secrets of friendship.

Friend has a simple enough definition. The online dictionary defines friend as “a person attached to another by personal feelings of affection or regard”. Many, including myself, hold a much deeper definition of friend. Friends are like 5 pound diamond: rare and extremely valuable. Reaching “friend” status takes a lot of time and effort, and the effort is well worth it.

Another concern I have with that store bought definition is that it eliminates everything except humans. I have had dogs that have lived up to “man’s best friend” and my son has a stuffed Goofy who could not be a better friend.

So what is THE secret to being a good friend and what can we all improve on to strengthen our friendships? What is THE ONE THING?...

Listen

Many people claim to be great listeners and it is a quality that we all wish we had. Go ahead. Ask some people you know or work with and ask them what their better qualities are. I bet most will say they are good listeners. And, when they tell you that, just smile and nod knowing you heard it from me first.

 We are not going to get all complex and breakdown communication into a 50 page dissertation that also cures insomnia. Most of the time, topics with big theoretical components rarely make sense in everyday life. I am cutting this down to the core and will give you sound suggestions for improving your listening skills. Yes, listening is a skill and needs to be developed. Listening goes along with participation. Face it. We like “us” and we want to be the one in the spotlight. Our needs, wants and “don’t wants” come first and we are told to “look out for number one.” Talking is a selfish act and listening is mostly a self-less act. Two completely different mind sets exist here and communication depends on the balance between the two. Now it is time to divulge the practical guide to effective listening.

1.      

SHUT UP

I realize that those words are crude and even banned in some households, but this is a no holds barred blog post. To be an effective and caring listener, one has to be quiet and allow the other person to talk.

2.      

Get Rid of Distractions

Stop texting, reading or watching TV while someone is speaking to you. Instead, invest all of your attention on the person needing a friend. Nothing drives me crazier than someone paying more attention to a text or any other distraction than to me.

3.      

Pay Attention

This is not the same as controlling distractions. Paying attention means focusing on what is being said to you and not on what your likely response will be. Do not merely listen to words, but also how the person speaks and all the nonverbal cues they give in posture, expression and distance.

4.      

 Do NOT Judge

Your place as a friend is not to dispense judgment. Finding someone who is non -judgmental is really difficult. You might have to listen to someone who does not share your values or ideas. I can tell you if you start judging, you will stop the much needed communication

5.     

 Clarify to Prompt More Discussion

Clarifying and confirming what you hear shows the other person you really ARE listening. Clarification proves important because often a person just lets loose of what is troubling them and may be hard to follow.

See, 5 easy steps to being a better listener. I know there are other ways to improve listening and I hope you feel like sharing some tips in the comments section. Take time and listen to someone today as you never know if that will be your last interaction with that person.