Diggin up Bones

You ever known a kid who absolutely struggles with school? This kid aces the academics but cannot handle the social aspects. It is a guy who is so painfully shy that it becomes obvious as nervousness overcomes him. He gets tongue tied, he gets sweaty and anxious, and physically he becomes a wreck. His reaction to stress, which may be as minor as talking to a girl, causes others to take notice and laugh or poke fun at him. As a result, the boy stays far away from all dances and bonfires. He defines "socially awkward".

I was that guy. I can still remember girls laughing and poking fun at me just to see me blush or sweat. And, believe me, I can name names if I need to as I certainly have not forgotten the pain. When the rest of my friends were dating, I shot free throws in my driveway. As a result, after a period of warm up, I can still ht between 5-8 BACKWARD free throws. This is a skill without a lot of applicability in life, however.

I finally and slowly overcame shyness. I have devoted a lifetime and a career helping people to the best of my ability. I have spent a lifetime helping people seek out their inner beauty when they do not see it through the veil of life's pain. Most days, I do not even think about the painful past, but I have to admit I really have no desire to do anything associated with former high school "buddies".

Last night, out of the blue, I was insulted on a social media site. Someone from "those days" inferred that I was never and would never be attractive. OK, I can see that evidence in the mirror, but this person has no idea what my inner attractiveness may be. You see, they did not speak to me back then to assess the "real" me and they have no idea what makes me tick today. I guess I did not let this water run off my back like I normally do. In some of the settings in which I have worked (prison, state hospitals) I have been called some pretty inventive names. But, last night some bones were dug up close to Halloween.

How do we deal with stuff like that when it arises?

1. Avoid the primal response. As I re-read the comment made the second time (the first time I was shocked and did not absorb it all), my mind conjured up some not so nice quick responses that most would admit they would entertain. What good would that response do? None. Instead, I simply mentioned that I did not appreciate an insult that apparently aged like cheese for 30 years.

2. Understand that people will always be critical. It does not matter how much I feel I have helped people and how I think my life's work matters to mankind, man (or woman) possess individual agendas and motives that are in no way connected to me. Expressing them, I suppose, is cheaper than the therapy they may need.

3. "To thine own self, be true". My life continues despite someone's opinion. Yes, I look back at the experiences from middle and high school with great disdain. To me, it is like thinking about last year's stomach flu. I am glad its over and never want to experience it again.

I would be a liar if I said the comment did not bother me. It did cost me a few minutes of sleep.This morning, it motivates me to look deeper inside myself and really see what I am. Things, big or small, helpful or hurtful, happen for a reason.

My top 4 "professional" catch phrases

I never realized that I in fact had certain catch phrases. I am constantly trying to improve my professional skills so I pay attention and analyze my choice of words. One habit I am working on is the overuse of "so". I use it to continue professional assessments and continue the flow of a conversation. I really over use "so" and that is a focal point of my continual quality improvement. So (doh!) that being said, I have also discovered I have 4 catch phrases I use pretty frequently. Additionally, I mockingly use one of Dr. Phil's (BTW, not a fan).."How's that working for ya?"

"It is what it is.". Ah, I really like this one and it was introduced to me by one of my friends. Then, I went to work in corrections and I found that it is used all the time by everyone. For me, I think the phrase means that you are given a situation and you must take it at face value.  Eckhart Tolle, a respected teacher and author, wrote "Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you have chosen it.". Both phrases have the same inherent meaning. Take a situation for what it is and then, if you want to change it, do something to force a change. "It is what it is" does not allow for a person to assume the role of a victim. It merely assesses that new starting point of a situation that requires attention. For instance (I had to erase "so"), my tire goes flat on the truck. I hate it, but "it is what it is" and I make a plan to fix the tire.


"How do you eat an elephant?" Of course the answer is one bite at a time. I see a great number of people that have excessive and uncontrollable worry and stress. They want to conquer the world and wanted to do that 3 days ago. Don't get me wrong, I think setting goals is a great thing but people (including me) have to be patient and take the goal in smaller steps. Break down the big goal (elephant) and break it down into 'bite-sized' portions. This also brings me in a first runner up of Hipes Catch Phrases by using "Inch by inch is a cinch and yard by yard it's hard."

Perception is reality. If I think that the weather is too hot, there will be someone who thinks it is too cool. Although I know they are wrong, I must admit that, to them, it is too cold. Each of us sees a situation in a different light. Again, I see this in my professional work when a person may acknowledge the countless faults of their spouse, but dismiss them and feel that their spouse is perfect for them. I canot convince you that my perception is your reality.

Limits exist only in the mind. This one has been on my mind a lot since I challenged myself to lose 100 pounds in 100 days.Wow did that bring the people out of the woodwork telling me that it was unsafe and impossible without risking my health. My morbid obesity threatens my health everyday and how many people has gastric bypass yearly? In the 1950s, it was believed that no one could run a mile under 4 minutes.Cars were not supposed to catch on either, as well as planes and computers. WE place limits on our lives and situations. My God knows know limits. Nothing has been too big for God. I am indeed focused on making it to 100 pounds in 100 days.


Do any of you have any catch phrases? Do you have any words you just use too much?

Arrggg

Where is my Charlie Brown shirt? He said it best. "Arrgg" carries deep meaning with me. Fat. Broke. Discouraged. Overwhelmed. Did I mention discouraged? Oh, yes I did. See I attribute that to the millions of thoughts running through my head that have kept me up since 3 AM. Life has been slapping me around enough I almost feel like saying, "Cut me Mick".

But ENOUGH. I am a firm believer in conviction, or God talking to me and putting things on my heart. No, I am not looney, scooters, or insane. I am a guy who has not been leaning on his Heavenly Father like I should. As a result, this portly nurse practitioner who daily counsels people regarding mental health finds himself discouraged and picking myself off the canvas of life.

Sure, I could stay down and take the 10 count. That is what would be easiest thing to do, but easy got me in this mess! It is mid afternoon and a Saturday. I am spending the day listening to a webinar on how I should be doing my business. Sadly, if I DID anything with my business, the poor host of the webinar would not literally be wasting his time. Fear and procrastination have been my business partners this far, but I am firing them.

There are a handful of authors/individuals who I read and admire. A couple I have met and admire them even more. The other two I hope to meet one day and thank them. The two I have met are Lee Arnold and Annie Armen. Lee is a real estate investor like no other. Annie goes by the name "Hurricane"and she is the most intensely positive person alive. She is a hidden treasure that more people should investigate. The two I have not met are Tim Ferriss and Jen Hatmaker. Ferriss is known for the "4 Hour Work Week" and along with Annie, someone I quote daily in my work as an ARNP. And Ms. Hatmaker wrote a book about the excesses in our lives today and it touched me deeply.

Now, what have I to lose if I just got radical and crazy with my life? I mean, what if I really prioritize prayer, seek God and LISTEN to Him? What if I became a ZEALOT and focused all my attention and intent of serving Him in EVERYTHING I do and clean my temple of the junk that clutters my body, mind, soul and heart? What if I approached PEOPLE, SITUATIONS and LIFE in a completely different manner? Not sure it could get worse.

In the spirit of Ferriss and Hatmaker, I, too, am starting an experiment and this blog will chronicle the journey. Maybe it will help someone who feels like me today. I am calling it Zealous Intentions. it is for life, health and business.