Just Breathe

"Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table"

These lyrics come from Anna Nalick's song Just Breathe (2AM). It has been a very long time since I blogged. The last entry occurred just prior to an event that I looked forward to more than just about anything and that event ended up full of heartache and disappointment. That experience led to a deep fog covering me and my entire being. Sadness, professional disenchantment, bills, financial worries, IEP meetings, aches, pains, illness, weight gain, and a million other things began weighing me down. Yesterday, I had no idea that I would write a blog today because I had the MOAM--Mother of All Migraines. In fact my head is still sore.

I awakened to a dream that I had stopped by a gas station and bought three, big juicy taquitos. Oh, momma did they look good. When I awakened, I decided I had a choice. I could lie in bed and fight sleep wishing I could get another 5 minutes, or I could get up and restart my running. I have just gotten gotten over an ugly URI so stopping running was not one of conscious decisions of withdrawal that I have been prone to the last couple of months. I laced up the old running shoes (which by the way are as broken down as I am but I don't see a new pair of shoes in my budget anytime soon) and started a new 10K program.

That is when I heard Ms. Nalick's song. Granted, I do not get out much and I do not listen to the radio often so even though it is a critically acclaimed song, it was new to me.

We really cannot jump the tracks. We head down the track of life and the only thing we have control over is the speed of our journey. The hourglass is glued to the table but each grain of sand is precious and has enormous potential. I have sat by and watched too many grains just fall into the heap of used moments. Sure, I would like to slow down the trickle of sand. 

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

 Later in the song, Ms. Nalick does it gain by adding perspective to those like me who "what if" themselves to death. Even though the song is not a 'chipper' song, I took comfort in the fact that I am not be alone. Funny thing, I advise others all day long on how to gain perspective in their world yet the fog clouds my own vision.

My mental state reminds me of Fargo in the spring when the ground is still covered with snow, the road is wet, but not frozen and the sky is gray from fog. It can be best described as gloomy with a chance of the sun sneaking through the fog. The air was always so incredibly fresh and pleasant. Looking back, I loved those days in Fargo and some of my best running occurred on days like that.

I really do firmly believe that God has things in store for me. I admit, the fog of uncertainty, self doubt and worry still cover my landscape. At least for this moment, I am focused on my cable car headed down the track and I vow to enjoy the view today.